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'the center for intellectual disabled children' - Volunteer - Short Answer


phantuhoang 2 / 4  
Jan 13, 2012   #1
Can you guys check out my short answer? Any grammar error, confusion idea or something? Thanks

I worked at the center for intellectual disabled children for one year. On the first day, I couldn't find any different between them and normal children. They were playing, having fun, and crying like any others. But when I took care of them directly, I found out that their life was very hard. Some five years old kids were small like new born babies, other kids couldn't speak a word. This might still be normal when they were young, but what will happen when they grow up? Sometimes, I looked at them and imagined a poor, slender kid strolling across the street, begging for money to live through day. Life is random; natural endowments and society demands create a lottery which largely polarizes the fortune of people. Some gets a happy life, some enjoys the wealth, and some has to suffer a difficult life. Having the better luck than many others, I feel immoral to sit there and brag about my winning of the lottery. I want to share it, help the disabled children to have a much better life.
Jono18 1 / 9  
Jan 13, 2012   #2
I fixed a few grammar mistakes and reworded sentences. But I find your paper unorganized; it's everywhere. I find it very confusing. You went from talking about working at a center to winning the lottery at the very end. And I don't really see what this has to do with volunteering. -I don't want to seem mean, but this is my opinion.

any different

*change to difference

and crying like any others

*and crying like any other kids (or children).

Some five years old kids were small like new born babies,

*Some five year old kids were small, like newborn babies. Other

begging for money to live through day.

*begging for money to live through the day.
ArizonaT 3 / 8  
Jan 13, 2012   #3
Your essay starts out all "jumpy" in the beginning but it gets better towards the end. I understood and liked your "lottery" method of life.
ChavCool93 1 / 4  
Jan 13, 2012   #4
OVerall it was good, it seemed kind of rushed but maybe that is because it is a short answer. I would go in depth on the impact it had on you if it were possible but overall, it got to the point and it was good.
zoejane - / 3  
Mar 20, 2013   #5
Essay on conclusions one can make about experience with disable people; Need help

What conclusions can you make about the experiences of people with disabilities in today's society compared with the 1970's or earlier?
How well are they integrated into society compared to other marginalised groups?
x6karebear9o 3 / 7 1  
Mar 21, 2013   #6
What is your position on these questions? What class is this for and what are the requirements? Your thesis must be your position on the matter and the essay will provide supporting evidence.


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