Okay as many people are posting the UC application essay i am not very different i need any insight u have to give. ummmm grammar and spelling are NOT my thing so help with that would be greatly appreciated. Butcher the essay if you'd like but i'd like it to still be my work.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
In the eighteen years of my existence I have lived among the ill, the disabled, and the unfortunate. I, personally, am a part of the disabled and have faced many challenges in my life. From the day of my diagnosis with Systemic Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis, Systemic JRA, I was told that I will never be able to succeed in life as this condition will hold me back, to a point where I can never function like a normal person. My goal was to prove this statement wrong. At the diagnosis of my condition I had to start methotrexate, chemotherapy, this challenged my life with uncontrollable bouts of sickness. My first year back to school with this disease, I missed sixty-three days of school and from that I knew my road in life would no longer be simple, but a constant struggle between balancing school, work, and my sickness. With my hopes dwindling, that I would never be able to function as a normal person, I was shown a summer camp with kids just like me with the same diseases and treatments. I attended this camp and took classes to deal with my arthritis in numerous ways to reduce the struggles upon my life, which resulted in me being able to stop all chemotherapy treatments as I took control of my life. This camp was a very influential part of my life as methods to deal with my illness are continuously used by me. On one of my later in life volunteer experiences, I volunteered at an elderly home. I entered the volunteer work just looking to complete volunteer credits and be done with such a program, but this home changed my life for all the days in my life to come. In that elderly home I was able to connect with people of conditions similar to mine as that of the summer camp. I showed them the same tricks that I was shown in my camp to reduce strain upon one's joints, to increase motion in the afflicted joints, and methods to reduce pain and suffering of one's self. After about a week all the seniors had gained new life and appeared to have washed away the sands of time from themselves. I enjoyed helping these elderly people and I feel I made a difference in their lives. On one day of work it was family day. It brought tears to my eyes when I saw grandparents running and playing with their grandchildren, something they had never been able to do before. This course of volunteer work was so influential upon me I continued to help people through my life and continue to this day.
I, to this very day, have had to deal with the challenges of life plus my condition. I was told that with my condition I would never be able to function like a normal person and I set out to prove them wrong. I believe I did what I said I would do. My personal gain from this life experience which I will grow with is that I have an absolute love of helping others. From this time I have decided that to be happy in life and to continue to endure happiness I need to be upon the end of giving help to others. So it would be in my benefit if I could be a doctor of any sort. I would be able to display my need to help others in way of challenging myself and proving that I can be normal by taking upon one of the hardest challenge of life, becoming a doctor that would benefit not only patients but in return myself.
I was thinking that maybe your essay does not match with the prompt if you should write about your family, school or community as it was pointed in the prompt and considered as the world you come from. It is because you based your points on your condition and things you have learnt through. I mean maybe it doesn't tell much about the world you come from. This essay is mostly about you and your condition. If so then you can use this essay for another prompt which you should tell about yourself and experiences shaped you. What do you think ?
...diagnosis with Systemic Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (Systemic JRA), I was told that I would never be able to succeed in life as this condition would hold me back to such an extent that I can never function like a normal person.
Did someone actually tell you you could never "succeed?" Maybe that is not the right way to explain this. Maybe you should write that the grim prognosis gave you the impression that you could never succeed... or maybe you should write that people often told you about the many things you would not be able to do. BUT, it does not sound right to say you can "never succeed"
It is awkward to write:
I, to this very day, have had to deal...
Better to write:
I, to this very day, I have had to deal...
or:
To this very day, I have had...
Same with this:
Personally, I am a part of the disabled and have faced...
...because fewer commas makes for straightforward writing.
As for explaining Systemic JRA, I think explaining it is actually not important here. Your purpose is to command respect, show how well you write and how clearly you think, and to show them that you have clearly defined goals rooted in your background. Therefore, I suggest choosing a medical specialty now and writing about your goals... as if your whole life is planned out (even if it is not a solid plan yet).
