Hello everyone,
The title says it all, and the essay prompt was from the commonapp transfer essay: "Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve." I have 392 words here.
I'll take any suggestions and edits on this, and thank you in advance for your help. really tensed about this.
As a student in today's world, facing challenges is effluent, and even enjoyable. It's what adds the interest and fun to an otherwise black-and-white academic experience. I'd like to transfer because I feel that at my current institute, I am not challenging myself enough. I feel that college should encompass every element of life, both in the classroom and beyond. Simply put, I envision going to college where there are more procreative challenges, and more opportunities to get out from behind the textbook and into the community of your peers. To achieve this, I believe a change is necessary.
When I first applied to college, I was relatively new to the admissions process. I am a first-generation college student, so my family could offer me little advice. My mother and I were in the basics of doing college research, and my father's primary concern was the financing involved. Though I obtained useful advice online and from fellow peers, deadlines were approaching fast and in the end, I picked several colleges based on superfluous characteristics. Consequently, I received few positive results. Though I did get some acceptances, I still feel that I could have done better.
Peer involvement has always been an important factor in my past. Everyone was very competitive, bright and ambitious, which added to the flavor of achievement. Discussion and debate played an integral part in all high school courses, turning even the most routine of classes into creative learning. At City College, moderate class sizes and interactive learning have been very helpful in enhancing college life. This, coupled with the enthusiastic professors, is the high point of my experience. However, most students are only interested for a class because it is necessary for their major. As a result, in-class discussion and peer involvement have been limited to necessity rather than enthusiasm.
I'd like to transfer because I feel that at my current institute, I am not challenging myself enough. Additionally, when I first applied, I'd so in a more hurried and cursory fashion that I would have liked, and I think that my abilities as a student merit me the opportunity to study at a more challenging university. I also think that I can make more of a profound impact on the world and my life by transferring, because it proves that I am more worthy of another school.
I love your second reason because it seems to me a really valid and well-structured one.
And if the whole theme of the essay is about challenging yourself, be sure to address the theme in the first reason. Right now to me the first reason is rather weaker than a second one. Why dont you develop it into something deeper about your major/your extra-curricular activities/your certain hobbies or passions? This kind of movement can make it more clearly why you want to transfer. You can say sth like, when I applied to colleges, I did it mostly basing upon financial aid offered by schools. However, now, after a year studying in City College, I figured out the field that I am really interested in and unfortunately City College offers very limited classes within that major. At the same time, Y College (the one you want to apply to) stands out as an exceptionally appealing choice.
I hope it helps you somehow! Good luck.
Your last paragraph is redundant since you already stated in your first paragraph (and title) that your not being challenged enough. I would focus more on why you want to go to that particular university and what exactly your not being "challenged" on. Mention things that the university you want to transfer to offers and isn't available at your current institution. Also, mentioning things you hope to achieve while there and things you plan on doing after you graduate with the education received there might help too. You need much more than "I'm not being challenged enough" to stand out from the thousands of applicants you will be competing against.
Hi,
I really liked your essays, you have very sound reasons and you explain them properly with some examples from real life. All the advice i can offer you is to revise the ending, the body of your essay is strong and what you need to do now is to make sure that the ending wraps it all up. Good luck
