I feel there is something wrong with my essay but I don't know how to fix it. Please help me. Thank you very much.
Champion
"Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last- minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill."
Muhammad Ali
My mom has always told me that my astrological sign was an ox because of my strong will. This is no clearer to me than when I first discovered my interests in art. When I first explained to my friends and family of my passion for art, I was met with apathy and discouragement. "How impractical! You should spend your time on something more useful!" In hindsight, I cannot blame them for their lack of enthusiasm - after all, at that time, I was still practicing my circles and cubes!
Further, it was a surprise to everyone, since, for a very long time, I was rather disinterested in most things artistic. That changed all of a sudden one day. I was browsing the internet one evening, when I stumbled upon something new, a type of Japanese illustrations, known as Manga. Immediately, I was in awe. Characters were depicted as heroes, drawn with so much attention to detail yet so gracefully. It was as though I had come across the Parthenon frieze. I thought, "if only I could draw like this." And so my interests in art enkindled.
Nevertheless, my family fiercely went against my interest. They asked me to be realistic about my future. Having no choice, I pretended to give up my dream. I secretly asked my friends to teach me to draw; in exchange I helped them in math and literature. One year later, I succeed in mastering some skills and persuading my parents to accept my passion.
Although my ambition was proficient at art, my skills showed no improvement. Therefore, I thought it was time to let my wild dream go and grow up. It was tough. I decided to stop drawing many times but none of them worked. Then I realized I could not live without art anymore. When I came to America last year, my art teacher, Rebecca, introduced me to a variety of different genres, from Impressionism and Pointillism to Expressionism and much more. Just when I thought I had seen it all, my perspectives of the artistic world had changed, thanks to Rebecca. Not only did I learn the theory behind colors and design but also the technical approaches that I could incorporate into my repertoire of techniques. My experiences in art grew from predominantly Manga to mosaics, oils, and pastels, from a technical pursuit to an intellectual one.
If my will had not been strong enough, I would have given up art a long time ago. From a person who formerly knew nothing about art to a person who now holds a brush to paint, this is the most proud achievement in my life. Whether I have talent or not is not important, I love art and I want to create more beautiful works of art, and that is what matters to me.
This is no clearer to me than when I first discovered my interests in ar
this is really confusing and really distracting, try to reword it to make it clearer, it's a good place to start your story.
This is a bit of an overused idea: love art, told it's not practical, doubt ability, leave art, realize it's your passion and that you'll pursue it no matter what. I mean, if you really paint a picture you can really pull it off and make it really captivating but so far no picture is really painted.
Use more descriptive language, throw in names of colors, shades, describe your early pieces and how they've improved. Pick one moment and paint it out for the reader with words.
My mom has always told me that my astrological sign was an ox because of my strong will. This is no clearer to me than when I first discovered my interests in art. When I first explained to my friends and family of my passion for art, I was met with apathy and discouragement. "How impractical! You should spend your time on something more useful!" In hindsight, I cannot blame them for their lack of enthusiasm - after all, at that time, I was still practicing my circles and cubes!
this is really confusing and really distracting, try to reword it to make it clearer, it's a good place to start your story.
.... I too felt the same way reymiii felt.
I agree with the comments that reymiii made. This does not give a very clear picture to the reader how your passion for art developed and nurtured.
Use more descriptive language, throw in names of colors, shades, describe your early pieces and how they've improved. Pick one moment and paint it out for the reader with words.
This is a very good advice. Reveal your passion and your committment to pursuing it through your real life experiences.
