Here are 2 supplement short answers for Tufts University. Any comments on grammar or content are much appreciated!!!
Why Tufts? (50 words)
When I first visited the Tufts campus, I remember that the admissions officer stressed three things about Tufts: study abroad, volunteer work, and the study of languages. If I attend Tufts I would like to study abroad in Australia, volunteer for Engineers without Borders, and study the Greek language.
Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014?
I'm not one of those people who listen to only one genre of music, and proclaim, with a sense of heightened superiority, that all other music is undeserving. I am more of an accepting listener, able to quickly change views and perspectives just by clicking shuffle on my iPod. Instead of choosing one band that I'm completely loyal to, I go through phases, phases in which I become absolutely obsessed with a certain genre/artist. All day long, on the ride to school, while doing homework, and while on the computer, I listen to these few songs and get to know them. Throughout these phases I always learn all the intricacies of each song: every word, every beat, and every instrumental ornament. My most recent phase has been the songs of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Listening to their music gives me the image of cruising down a highway off the coast of California, with the sun high in the sky, aviators on, and palm trees lining the street. I know every word to "Can't Stop" and every chord of the guitar solo in "Dani California" My previous phase had been country music, in which I imitated the accent to the best of my ability while listening to the banjo riffs in "Red Neck Yacht Club" or the bass in "She's Country." And the phase before that was one of Turkish music, even though I'm not even Turkish. With this phase I learned all the foreign words, and memorized all the mystical Middle Eastern beats of Murat Boz's "Püf" and Tarkan's "Vay Anam Vay." Yes, I can say when it comes to music, I don't mind being open to all its possibilities. To the Class of 2014, I will add the voice of acceptance and changing perspective, able to change my mindset from Istanbul, Turkey, to Nashville, Tennessee in a heartbeat.
eliminate the words "like to" in the first short answer when referring to Australia. It just makes you seem more confident about what you want to do.
And I like the second one. I don't see anything wrong with the content, and I feel it answers the prompt. And a side comment, I am the same way with music:)
You spend too much time at the beginning talking about how you like all kinds of music. Everybody says that when they talk about what kind of music we like. we all say, "I like every knd of music." So.. it is not a good point to emphasize in an essay.
this part is great, though:
Throughout these phases I always learn all the intricacies of each song: every word, every beat, and every instrumental ornament.
My most recent phase has been the songs of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. ---- instead of saying "songs of," you should use a word that refers to the genres they dele into or the techniques they use.
Listening to their music gives me the image of cruising down a highway off the coast of California, with the sun high in the sky, aviators on, and palm trees lining the street. I think this reduces their music to something superficial. Move on to other subjects that are related to this appreciation for music, but separate from it. Other subjects! :-)
I know every word to "Can't Stop" and every chord of the guitar solo...(maybe you mean every "note" of the guitar solo?
