"Changing schools" - Georgia tech. Explain an Aspect of Your Academic Background.

Explain an Aspect of Your Academic or Extra-Curricular Background That You Feel is Especially Important to You and That Will Help Us Know You.
Blissful Memoirs
Changing schools was not the best idea for me, especially in a crucial time like Grade Six. I had to move from a state in which I was born in and at that time thought I lived the best part of my life in, to a more unfamiliar yet better civilized and ethnically diverse state. I hoped that wouldn't pose a serious problem because I have a trait of easily adapting to different places Schooling was next, I was only to spend two terms in the school before graduating to high school so I had to make a long lasting superb impression about myself and my academic excellence in a short-while. Something done by other pupils in six-years was left to me to do in two-terms; not even a year. Failure to accomplish this task was not an option and I had my mind set. I was never a pessimist; I grew up to be optimistic about the future. I read up text books, studied farther than I was taught, took the extra step to cover up and was on my best behavior to get an all round performance. I barely had time to catch up on the latest movies or to get the newest soccer game but I still got my family's support with me. That pushed me and made me prevail. On a Friday morning, I walked into my classroom and just as I opened the door, everybody began cheering and applauding, it took me a minute to figure if it was directed towards me but after noticing the contented smile on my counselors face and the paper he was holding which had my name boldly printed on it, I was sure the it was all referred to me; I had won the prize of the highest in the whole state in a common entrance test and also highest in a private placed secondary schools' entrance test. I could not be more satisfied On the day of my graduation, seeing my name in the auditorium as the top in the hall of fame was not just enough to comfort me. After such hard work I expected more. Little wonder did I express my final sigh of relief when called up on the stage as the best graduating student and was handed over my accolades. I could not help but smile all the way after thinking that I had barely been in the school for a year and has influenced everything around the place; it was an achievement of great honor to me and I could not hold responsible anything but hard work and sacrifice.

especially induring a crucial

I had to moved from the state in whichwhere I was born in and at that time thoughtbelieved I lived the best part of my life in t o a more unfamiliar, yet bettermore civilized and ethnically diverse, state.


I don't think you really need that sentence.

Schooling was next. I was to spend only two terms in the school before graduating to high school so I had to make a long lasting, superb impression aboutof myself and my academic excellence in a short w hile.


That is something the admissions officers can probably figure out for themselves, there is no point in using up valuable space repeating something you just mentioned in the previous sentence. Say something new and personal that the AOs don't know yet.

This is interesting, you definitely show that you are hard-working and determined.

I don't thing grade six should be capitalized.
Also, schooling should not be capitalized.

Okay, search for the main idea of this and let it be expressed at the end of the first paragraph.

This is what I would do:
not even a year. (add a thesis sentence that will express the main idea of the essay. Then end paragraph one.)
paragraph 2:
Failure to accomplish...

See what I mean? End paragraph one and let the reader's mind linger a bit on the thesis statement that you give, so the reader will have a solid idea of what you are saying.

:-)

you shouln't emphasize too much on the grade six.

Olaoluwa, will you spend some more time and give better feedback than that? I see how well you write, and I know you can help a little more! :-)