Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


A character defining moment. 'November 20th was a cold, cloudy day'


programmer 6 / 23 2  
Nov 24, 2012   #1
November 20th was a cold, cloudy day. SAT scores were to be announced about noon. I was shivering a little at school, I cannot tell whether it was because I was worried about my score or because it was a cold day. I barely remember what the calculus teacher said. I had the opportunity to take SAT only once, because SAT was not offered in my country and it would be too much to ask my parents to go to another country for several times, also I couldn't ditch school with the excuse of SAT.

My friends took SAT last year. They took SAT for three or even four times. The good thing is that I inherited the books and it was a pleasure for me to have such great friends. The second class, I barely remember what it was, but I remember the teacher let me go and check if the scores were available or not by then. Immediately, I checked them out and saw they were going to be announced soon. I was totally mad, When was soon going to be?

I didn't go back to the class. I kept walking in a circle and thinking. What if my score was not so pleasant? What I expected was around 1800. My friend last year got 1920, she told me I was better than her, but she had taken the test for three times. I am a reader. I am the fastest reader I know and I scarcely miss an important piece of information. But English is not my native language. The bell rang and my best friend approached me. We checked out the scores again. Tricking myself, I hid my face in my hands and looked at the screen from the middle of my fingers.

Next moment, my hands covered my face for another reason, to hide my tears. I didn't score well, and I knew I didn't have a second chance. My friend hugged me and said, Sayna, this is only a test. You are our friend; you are more to be tested in a few hours. You are more than papers.

I did not want to utter a word to my friends. Although I tried to keep silent, my eyes told everything my mouth didn't. When I got home, my mother said, Sayna, You are my daughter. Nothing can ever change this. After that, I was assassinated with numerous calls from teachers, family and friends. I told them my score, well, I was shy to tell them, but I'm glad I finally did.

After that, I came to my peaceful room, with a window to the world and a diverse collection of cacti. I planted the new cyclamens that I had seeded four months before, in separate pots. I praised my little cyclamens. i knew It will take a long time to have cyclamens flourish, same as hard work.
emilyc28 5 / 33  
Nov 24, 2012   #2
As a general rule, writing about the SATs is not a good way to go because it's such a common example.

However, if you were to use this, I would suggest that you describe how the event really defined who you are. :)
pussypussy 2 / 5  
Nov 24, 2012   #3
I can hear your voice from this essay, that's good.
But if there's some problem with this essay, I would say that if you have a better topic choice other than SAT, you should consider that. (because SAT is not really a very good topic for application)

if you want to stick to this topic, it's okay. just put more emphasis on the "defining" moment (paragraph 4), don't draw too much emphasis on your panic and worry about the coming score (what you write in paragraph 1,2 and 3). and inject your own thinking, not merely retell what your friends, family and teacher say to you. The real character is YOU.

Keep
OP programmer 6 / 23 2  
Nov 24, 2012   #4
thank you soooo much! you're right, i'll write about something else that is more like me, and less a coward haha! i've got time till Dec first, i'm applying to washington university, i'll write about something else. i'll ask your opinion about it, if you had any other question just count on me


Home / Undergraduate / A character defining moment. 'November 20th was a cold, cloudy day'
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳