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The Chariot of Insecurity/ Williams / looking through a window


Genieo 3 / 4 1  
Dec 17, 2012   #1
PROMPT-- Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to 300 words.

30 degrees, 50 man queue, no water, and my bag weighed a ton. Fatigue was an understatement, and the dust in the air had settled into my white apparel; giving me a very uncouth and dirty look.

I had managed to board a bus after an everlasting 20 minute wait. I managed to get a seat, albeit a bit cramped up. To my disbelief the road was visible through the holes in the floor of the vehicle, there were bits of exposed jagged metal and no seatbelts! Made me even wonder, does this vehicle even have Insurance?!

A lady seated a row ahead of me seemed to be eating something, whatever she was eating, it sounded like she was cracking a shell. As I peered closer I realized, no way, A Crab!? You've got to be kidding me. As she continued to make an attempt to eat the crab whilst on the bumpy roads of Ghana, pot hole after pothole, she messed up. She cracked the crab shell, spraying its contents across her row, and everyone was livid but I was struggling to contain my laughter

Witnessing this made me realize that life in the Western Countries is a privilege that I had taken for granted. Advancements in technology, medicine and safety have increased the standard of living. Whereas in so called third world countries these advancements are nonexistent, therefore leading to a decreased standard of living. This made me appreciate all things that I have and be more sympathetic to the less fortunate. Life is short, so we better enjoy it.
Rimwar 1 / 5 1  
Dec 18, 2012   #2
Very well written! I see it as a strong essay because I feel that you're being transparent and letting your humor and mostly your true voice be heard!
mzontario 9 / 43  
Dec 18, 2012   #3
Genieo
Made me even wonder, does this vehicle even have Insurance?!

You capitalized a couple of random words like insurance and crab.

Also, try to make the crab relate to your appreciation of western countries, which shouldn't be caps either.
kevinmojica56 - / 6  
Dec 28, 2012   #4
1. you aren't even looking out a window
2. You're flowery writing is not going to make up for the lack of connection between the trip and your self-realization

Like I literally had no idea you were going to pull a hey-i-should-be-grateful-for-what-I-have-because-crab-lady-showed-me ending. And You're voice varies too much, it's from
"30 degrees, 50 man queue, no water" to omg "Does this vehicle have Insurance?!" ...


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