Hello, it will me much appreciated if any of you can give me feedback on my response. :)
Before I start, under the essay question section of the application, do all my answers gave to be formatted in essay format? If yes, does that mean I have to split my response below into paragraphs?
Tell us why you want to study at the Schulich School of Business. (250 words)
I have chosen the Bachelor of Business Administration program at York's Schulich School of Business in order to pursue my goal of becoming a Chartered Accountant. Growing up in a family full of accountants, I was hesitant in following the same footsteps until I started co-op at a small accounting firm. I realise that I enjoy the use of logic, numbers, and the constant engagement with people. Also, accounting is a solid building block for future pursuits in any industries by opening doors to ventures that I may undertake. By attending the Schulich School of Business, I can achieve my goal, while still having the flexibility of ten specializations in the case that my career aspirations changes. Moreover, Schulich's diverse faculty of student leaders creates an unparalleled opportunity of growth. Accompanying this with Schulich's word class reputation of business excellence, it will help develop my skills to unprecedented heights. Like a priceless pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, Schulich's four year BBA program offers its own pot of gold filled with knowledge through its rich resource of students and teachers.
By attending the Schulich School of Business, I can achieve my goal, while still having the flexibility of ten specializations in the case that my career aspirations changes. (This is unclear)
Like a priceless pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, Schulich's four year BBA program offers its own pot of gold filled with knowledge through its rich resource of students and teachers. Accompanying this with Schulich's word class reputation of business excellence, my skills will be developed to unprecedented heights.
(Please please please like my post even if I wasn't of much help. I'm stuck with a problem and really need some likes to make the site solve it. Urgent!)
bump please, I really need some constructive feedback. thanks
the only thing i would change is your last sentence, you should avoid cliche, also you might want to add certain specific aspects about Schulich that makes it stand out from the other schools (without naming them), for example if they had small classes talk about how how those small classes, private interaction with professors and how it meets your goals & development of character. Your paragraph is well thought out and written well, but try to be a bit more specific give an example of an attribute that Schulich possesses and how it relates to your goals.
Remember, this essay is not "Tell us
what you want to study at the Schulich School of Business." It's "Tell us
why you want to study at the Schulich School of Business." You have to do some research into the school, it's teaching methods and opportunities, offered courses, etc. to let them know why of all the business schools in the country, you chose that one.
By attending the Schulich School of Business, I can pursueBusiness Administration andstill have ten other specializations to choose from in the case that my career aspirations changes.
I like this sentence, but almost everyone would write about how they want to go to a college because it has "diversity" and a "world-class reputation".
Thank you guys for the helpful tips, I will make the changes. Lastly, since it is an essay question, should I separate it into small paragraphs or is one big one good enough?
Since its only 250 words, i would say you dont need to but you can if you want to, does it have a character limit, like 1950 characters or something like that?
But, you will most likley be talking about one or two qualities that should technically be in the same paragraph but you can split up different qualities if you please, but this is a little consuming because you have to restart your topic and such, if you lose format and just start writing thinking it connects will be a huge error.
Growing up in a family full of accountants, I was hesitant in following the same footsteps until I started co-op at a small accounting firm.
I think you should start with this line. It's gives a better entrance to your essay.
Also, accounting is a solid building block for future pursuits in any industries by opening doors to ventures that I may undertake.
After this you can have your first sentence and then proceed.
By attending the Schulich School of Business, I can achieve my goal, while still having the flexibility of ten specializations in the case that my career aspirations changes.
Schulich School of Business would enable me to pursue my goal by allowing the flexibility of ten specializations to accommodate my career aspirations in case of there would be any changes.I'd suggest you talk about some of the things that Schulich offers that other schools dont. (Maybe a co-op placement program? A club or conference sponsored by Schulich? etc.).
Good luck with your application, I was going to apply but the cut off mark is way too high, and the overall feel of the school and its community is just not my type.
