Essay 1: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
I don't think my essay really answered the question at all lol. I kind of umm went on the tangent while writing this, but please tell me what you think about this essay.
I Cheated on My Wife (Number).
Numbers, what can you do for me? You can neither make me food when I'm hungry nor keep me warm when I'm cold, but I still fell in love with you. Oh, number I have a confession to make. I cheated on you!
Ten years into our relation, I was led astray by the beautiful language into believing that you can't do anything for me. "Math is useless." "Give up on math, you can't do anything with math except be a mathematician or a school teacher." "Your dream is to become a businessman, you need language (English)." Voices venture in and out of my head numerous times throughout the course of my high school career, hence I fell in "love" with English. Even though I took all the hardest math classes my school had to offer and some from a community college, you were no longer my interest but merely a necessity, or I thought? Years, I sacrificed you for English, but now I understand it is you that I love, not English. You are a language of your own. English is the necessity, but you are my love. Confucius once said "If you find enjoy what you do, you will never work another day in your life."
I became interest in business initially because I thought business can lead me into all the candies I can get! Well, you know, make money, buy candies... how naïve was that? Though the thoughts have changed while growing up , but it was not until recently I truly understand what business is about. Reading through the shelves of business books in Barnes and Nobel, I realized how hard it is to be a successful businessman. Not only does it require integrity, leadership, but also friendship. No matter what business one is going to take, the key is people. Building a company is easy, but managing it is not. Business is understanding, trusting, and lasting. Business is math in a pretty dress, it's you. I love you.
I think your essay is really interesting, especially with the beginning. But I don't really get the part how you "cheated" on numbers. How about giving specific details and real-life examples? If you make that part clearer, I think your essay will be better. Also, if you could focus on how you can make the world better, that would be nice. Your ideas are interesting overall, but you need more details.
your essay really caught my attention, however i think that your whole approch should be for a tottally different essay. the first paragraph is nice but after that you should have been more specific.also watch out for the grammatical errors. they can bring you down.
thank you guys.
yes, my essay wasn't specific enough because I wasn't really sure how I want to write at first then suddenly overwhelmed with ideas... but can't fit them all into 300 words
I guess it's too dense, anyway I can light it up
Also, I was thinking writing about business and how it relates to math (but I have no clue how business relates to math...) because the adimission ppl always say the decision to business school is going to be mainly based on the math subscore.
Your style and writing are good, but I don't know about the entire "cheating on numbers" idea. It certainly is unique, but you could phrase it better. Just the idea of "cheating" may be a turn-off. It's only my opinion.
I became interested in business initially because I thought business can lead me into all the candies I can get! Well, you know, make money, buy candies... how naïve was that?
I think I understand ytour meaning, but like the others have said, you might want to drop one more sentence to explain it better--perhaps at the end! :-)
Love your essay. It's rather funny. ;]
Now a big thing is that I feel like although it's funny, it strays here and there. Make sure to stay on topic. You also have to watch out for grammar and tense usage. Here are some examples:
"or I so thought?"
It sounds a little off without the "so" in there.
"I became interested in business initially because I thought business could lead me into all the candies I wanted! "
"Though my thoughts have changed since I grew up , but it was not until recently I truly understood what business is about."
Hope I helped! Good luck. :D
Love your essay. It's rather funny. ;]
Thank you, yes it helped. My grammar is not that good, was that all the grammar errors...(if yes, I'm surprised lol).
And I'm glad you liked my essay, it makes sense right? :)
oh and should the
so be before the I?
Haha. Yes, "so" should be before the "I". XD
can someone tell me what's not necessary here, I need to cut down around 50 words...
Hey.
Wow, one of the unique essays I've read.
I like your essay the way it is, but if you have to take it out, then... I would take out "give up on math...". I think you explained your purpose with the other quotes. But hey that's already more than 15 words!
I think you can shorten this sentence, "Even though I took all the hardest math classes my school had to offer and some from a community college"
I think you can cut this out: Confucius once said "If you find enjoy what you do, you will never work another day in your life."
take out Barnes and Noble.
:) Cute essay! I'm jealou! Haha
Will you take a look at mine? Maybe you can help me add humor in my essay!
