Please feel free is delete and enter anything you feel necessary to make this short answer as strong as possible. Thank you so much for your time.
--------------- Four years ago, my best friend pleaded for me to accompany her to our high school cheerleading try outs. I hesitantly agreed, never imagining that cheerleading would become one of the most exhilarating and life changing opportunities I've been involved in. The extreme rush of Friday night football games, basketball games and school assembly performances in front of large crowds makes my heart race, palms sweat and creates an explosive adrenaline rush. As a flyer, the biggest thrill comes from being thrown 10 feet in to the air, doing one legged stunts and trusting three girls with my safety . The most rewarding feeling is the exhaustion after a 54 second performance we've worked and stressed over for months, is finally successfully executed. These proud moments are not shared alone, they are shared with my teammates, who, regardless of differing personalities and lifestyles, have become my best friends and make cheer leading the ultimate experience.
Four years ago, my best friend pleaded for me to accompany her to our high school cheerleading try outs - I was persuaded by my best friend to attend the cheer leading tryouts with her.
> plead - informal, too whiny-seeming
> accompany - seems as if you did not try out
I hesitantly agreed hesitantly , never imagining that cheerleading would become one of the most exhilarating and life changing opportunities I've been involved in - that I have ever been involved in.
The extreme rushadrenaline of Friday night football games, basketball gamessports matches and school assembly performances in front of large crowds makesmade my heart race, my palms sweat and itcreated an explosive adrenaline rush. As a flyer, the biggest thrill came from being thrown 10 feet into the air, doing one legged stunts and trusting three girls with my safety . The most rewarding feeling is the exhaustion after a 54 second performance of a routine we have worked and stressed over for months, is finally successfully executed . These proud moments are not shared alone, they are shared with my teammates, who, regardless of differing personalities and lifestyles, have become my best friends and make cheer leading the ultimate(substitute a better word) experience.
2 major problems:
1. Verb tenses - don't be jumping from past to present to past to present. Keep in one tense only.
2. Problem with grammar - i.e. parallel structure, run-on sentences. I've patched up what I could, but I haven't got all of them.
Check your grammar!!! Important. And my essays too please :) THANKS
Overall:
I really suggest you to show this essay to an English teacher or anybody with better knowledge of college essays and such. That's more crucial than this, that's what I did over the past months, I just handed in my essay to as many teachers as I could-not to mention that I'm in an international school-. By doing this, it shows that you're putting effort to get into your chosen colleges, but this isn't as effective as getting somebody else to read this in person.
Good luck
