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"My Chemical Kingdom" and "Perseverance through Pre-Calculus" - UC Prompts #1 and #2


FreeSpirit11 1 / 2  
Nov 26, 2011   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I am the king of my two-dimensional universe. Ruling with a graphite pencil and an army of markers, I subjugate all unruly drawings into a state of artistic perfection and individuality. My closest cohort, Lord Eraser, carefully exterminates all rebellion. The potential frustration of my normally quiet personality strikes fear into all comical creatures that dare to think they can rise up against my kingship. Fellow kings and queens, commonly referred to as My Family, comment on the fact that I am persistent on the continued self-improvement of all my "loyal" subjects. However, my kingdom is in danger, as there is a new deadly foe to conquer: a land known as Chemistry.

Chemistry has a special allure for me, as it's the science that makes art possible. Art is really just chemicals spread, spilt, laid, or thrown at a blank canvas. Mixing a number of chemicals provides painters with paint and photographers the ability to develop their photos. Chemistry is almost magical, as it produces great hues and colors that compliment any artist's palette. Permanganate exists in a deep violet tone, while Pervanadyl is a vivid yellow. My art markers provide me with an excellent source of pigments combined with Ethyl Alcohol to spread on my thick paper, which is actually a blend of polysaccharides. As I see it, chemistry is simply a continuation of my love for art.

I never thought I would remotely enjoy chemistry. Being an artist had been the logical career plan for me, as I loved the freedom that it allowed and the appeal that it had for me.. Entering the class a year later than most of my classmates, I had heard many snide comments about the class and the teachers. Until that class, I had never enjoyed science; teachers had only ever taught me a superficial introduction to the topics presented in my textbooks. Fearing this class would be the same, I resolved to bare it as best as I could. I was proved wrong.

My teacher, Mrs. Lupien, presented chemistry to me with such a sense of intrigue and mystery that I was captivated. Day by day, I sat enthralled at the infinite possibilities of the atom, while my classmates obnoxiously ignored the attempts of my teacher to capture their interest. The material world was defined by chemistry, and all the while I had been trying to convey that world through my art. I had discovered the complimentary subject to art. I quickly arranged an internship with a professor at a local university, and furthered my knowledge of the subject.

Chemistry has provided a whole new world for me. One that is both practical and sporadic in nature. Both have contributed to my academic success and my career aspirations. I now desire to dedicate my life to plumbing the depths of this incredible subject. Just as an anion and a cation create the perfect compound, chemistry and I combine to form a perfect equilibrium.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

There's an epidemic befalling most high school students around the nation. We are all at risk and no one is immune to its iron grasp. This disease is unique as it kills your future, but leaves your present state untouched. It is accompanied by a sense of failure, and accepted willingly by all who are infected. Debilitating in its nature, teenagers are unable to fight it with conventional medications. While most who have the contagious disease Laziness never recover, there is a remedy. A quick dose of Hard Work accompanied by Perseverance, taken twice a day, will send Laziness running.

As my friend Jessica leaned over to talk to me, I stared at my paper. A big, grotesque, red "C+" spread across my progress report. In the corner of the paper, a small unhappy face seemed to judge me with its downturned mouth and beady eyes. Jessica quickly glanced at my paper and asked "How did you do on the test?" A quick shake of the head was my only reply. She seemed surprised, and so was I. How could this happen to me? I had always cruised through math. Setting the curve on a math test had always been commonplace for me, as well as coming out of the class with the highest grade. This was going to be a long year.

I resolved that second semester would be different. Rather than focus on my grade in the class, I would follow my teacher's advice and focus my attention on the material. Creating mile-high stacks of flashcards and staying after school to clarify concepts gradually replaced my usual activities of sloppily completing the homework and "winging" the exams. This paid off, as my grade increased to a "B+" with the final approaching. I knew this final would be easy, as I understood the material completely. As a precaution, I spent a few hours compiling all the information I could gather from the textbook into a sterling outline of what the test should be.

I blanked. All semester was spent preparing for the final and learning the material, and I had botched the final. I was hoping to pull out a solid "A" on it, but instead it seemed as if I would receive an "F". My estimate was accurate, as I had a solid "D+" on the test. This time, there was an astonished face, larger than the letter grade, in the center of the test. I felt relieved in that my teacher knew that I was capable of better, and that I had done all that I could to better my chances.

Perseverance isn't about climbing Mt. Everest or exploring the Blue Holes of the Bahamas, but rather it's working through difficulties that occur in school, sports, or life in general. Bad grades, injuries in sports, and family difficulties have all helped me develop perseverance. I am proud of the fact that I can now work through any situation that life's roulette wheel can spin out.

Grammar revisions, as well as sentence reconstruction is welcome. I'm applying to UC Berkeley and UCLA. Thanks in advance. =)
maroon5 9 / 57  
Nov 27, 2011   #2
I have no complaints with the response to the second prompt. There are no grammar mistakes or cases of incoherence and the prompt has been articulately answe

However, the first prompt is a true masterclass.The first paragraph is simply remarkable and the idea of drawing an analogy between your artwork and ruling a kingdom is pure genius.The only concern i have is whether your interpretation of the prompt is too vague.You begin by talking of your love of art and then connect that with your appreciation of chemistry learned at school...don't you think you take too long to eventually introduce the community the prompt refers to?? The second part of the prompt is well answered however.I just feel as though you need to reorganize your sentences so that the community is brought forward earlier...GOOD LUCK

please look over my commonapp ideas and suggest the best one


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