Common App Essay Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Please help revise and shorten. Any help would be appreciated. :)
As I walked down the halls of Benjamin N. Cardozo High School during my junior year, I was anticipating what would await me when I reached my fifth period class. With my program schedule in my hand, I was afraid of walking into the classroom feeling distressed, and my hands were shaky and started to fill with sweat. I was about to enter the world of AP Chemistry. I sat with my friends in the middle of the classroom before a young, intelligent man entered. The man said, "Hello! My name is Dr. Chan. Nice to meet all of you! I will make sure that all of you will get 4s and 5s on the AP Exam, lots of homework, hard tests, and that you will all study hours each night." I was beginning to feel very stressed out since Dr. Chan seemed to be very strict. However, from there on, his kindness and generosity, made everyone begin to smile and love him. I started to think to myself, "Maybe this will not be so bad and I might actually have some fun."
It was actually fun. Even though Chemistry is one of my most favorite subjects, AP Chemistry was the most challenging class that I've ever taken in my high school career. Occasionally, I was stressed out now and then after studying for my tests, and then I started to doubt myself. In the beginning, I started struggling. Failing most of my tests in the first marking period just like most of the other students, I felt like I didn't know anything about Chemistry anymore. Dr. Chan started discussing my grades with me and then he said, "Never give up and word harder. You have the potential to get high 80s or even low 90s in this class. Alex, you're a very smart student but you just have to believe in yourself."
Before becoming a teacher, Dr. Chan went to Columbia University and earned his PhD. I was shocked by his decision of not having a profession in the medical field and working as a teacher instead. He could've been making so much more money. I had a discussion with him about his decision and he said that he loved teaching. My parents always strived me to have do well in school, have a good job, and earn lots of money. Dr. Chan was not the kind of person who was greedy but the kind of person who had a passion to teach. The excitement that he expressed while teaching pushed me through the academic rigor of AP Chemistry. He even taught me some Calculus for deriving Chemistry formulas, which gave me some preparation before taking AP Calculus BC in my senior year.
In the end, I was able to get a 90 for the class and a 4 on the AP Chemistry Exam. Dr. Chan has influenced me to work to my potential and believe in myself. He has even persuaded me to pursue a career in the medical field. I will definitely ask Dr. Chan to write teacher recommendations for me, and hope that I can succeed in senior year with AP Psychology and AP Calculus BC.
As I walked down the halls of Benjamin N. Cardozo High School during my junior year, I was anticipating what would await me when I reached my fifth period class. With my program schedule in my hand, I was afraid of walking into the classroom feeling distressed, and my hands were shaky and started to fill with sweat. I was about to enter the world of AP Chemistry. I sat with my friends in the middle of the classroom before a young, intelligent man entered. The man said, "Hello! My name is Dr. Chan. Nice to meet all of you! I will make sure that all of you will get 4s and 5s on the AP Exam, lots of homework, hard tests, and that you will all study hours each night." I was beginning to feel very stressed out since Dr. Chan seemed to be very strict. However, from there on, his kindness and generosity, made everyone begin to smile and love him. I started to think to myself, "Maybe this will not be so bad and I might actually have some fun."
It was actually fun. Even though Chemistry is one of my most favorite subjects, AP Chemistry was the most challenging class that I've ever taken in my high school career. Occasionally, I was stressed out now and then after studying for my tests, after a while I started to doubt myself. In the beginning, I started struggling. Failing most of my tests in the first marking period just like most of the other students, I felt like I didn't know anything about Chemistry anymore. Dr. Chan started discussing my grades with me and then he said, "Never give up and word harder. You have the potential to get high 80s or even low 90s in this class. Alex, you're a very smart student but you just have to believe in yourself."
Before starting teaching profession , Dr. Chan had gone to Columbia University and had earned his PhD. I was shocked by his decision of not having a profession in the medical field and working as a teacher instead. He could've been making so much more money. I had a discussion with him about his decision and he said that he loved teaching. My parents would always urge me to do well in school, to have a good job, and to earn lots of money. Dr. Chan was not the kind of person who was greedy but the kind of person who had a passion to teach. The excitement that he expressed while teaching pushed me through the academic rigor of AP Chemistry. He even taught me some Calculus for deriving Chemistry formulas, which gave me some preparation before taking AP Calculus BC in my senior year.
In the end, I was able to get a 90 for the class and a 4 on the AP Chemistry Exam. Dr. Chan has influenced me to work towars my potential and believe in myself. He has even persuaded me to pursue a career in the medical field. I will definitely ask Dr. Chan to write teacher's/teaching recommendations for me, and hope that I can succeed in senior year with AP Psychology and AP Calculus BC.
excuse me but you seem to be an American native speaker are n't you?
I am not sure if i could be much of help to a native speaker
