Despite the nerdy stereotype of the game, I discovered that chess has a war-like feel, and fell in love with the game. After all, chess involves two armies out to destroy each other. My imagination ran wild every time I played. Gazing at the chessboard, I felt like an army general. I was Alexander the Great most of the time, but when I was in a really bad mood, Genghis Khan. While setting up the board, I was actually patrolling my troops, encouraging them for the tough battle that lay ahead.
Like war, chess has its casualties: captured pieces. Most of my opponents jumped at any opportunity to capture a piece, or draw first blood. I remember one game in which my opponent captured one of my pawns "I killed it" he said. "You didn't kill it," I answered. "He's a POW." For me, this was a serious philosophical debate over the nature of the game. I refused to believe that the pieces, my men, were killed. After all, they were standing there at the edge of the board. I determined my captured men's fate on the character of my opponent. If he seemed arrogant and annoying, like this particular kid, I imagined my captive men being dragged in to some dark, roach-infested dungeon where they were cruelly tortured and interrogated. Of course, this only increased my desire to destroy the enemy and rescue my captured men. On the other hand, if my opponent seemed quiet and reserved, he was fooling no one, certainly not me. He probably had tricked my men into revealing my secrets to him, and he was just covering it up with his poker-face.
To be honest, I do not understand "I discovered that chess has a war-like feel, and fell in love with the game."
The first paragraph sounds interesting even when I am not a chess fan. =)
hmm.. Everyone has different opinions. I may think you are a lil aggressive after reading the second paragraph. But it's only my feeling.
Good luck!
While I appreciate your approach as a chess fan, I would be very cautious in sending this as an admission essay. Where are you applying? Liberal arts colleges in particular may not be comfortable with the aggression you're projecting, using phrases like "killed it" and "POW". They tend to search for a more altruistic, harmonic perspective. Even larger public universities may be disturbed by phrases like, "If he seemed arrogant and annoying, like this particular kid, I imagined my captive men being dragged in to some dark, roach-infested dungeon where they were cruelly tortured and interrogated."
Not to be insulting, but given the violence and revenge in the passage, it seems a bit..childish. I highly suggest you consider writing about another topic, or choosing a new angle.
The first paragraph is acceptable.
Despite the nerdy stereotype of the game, I discovered that chess has a war-like feel, and fell in love with the game.--I know what you mean!! You can remove the 2nd comma in this sentence.
Despite the nerdy stereotype of the game, I discovered that chess has a war-like feel and fell in love with the game.
or
Despite the nerdy stereotype of the game, I discovered that chess has a war-like feel, and I fell in love with the game.---Only use a comma if you use "I," which makes it a compound sentence.
You did a great job here... what a clever approach to talking about chess! I refused to believe that the pieces, my men soldiers, were killed. ---- let's make it gender inclusive... there is a queen!
Thanks, I enjoyed this, and I will think of it next time I play chess.
thanks a lot for the help and praise it means a lot to me
Your first paragraph seems alittle awkward. i think it'll sound more fluid if you presented your love for the game and its allusions to war through a narative. It would make you sound less aggressive when describing the war like feel and more observant
