I chose the U of Chicago prompt:
Chicago author Nelson Algren said, "A writer does well if in his whole life he can tell the story of one street." Chicagoans, but not just Chicagoans, have always found something instructive, and pleasing, and profound in the stories of their block, of Main Street, of Highway 61, of a farm lane, of the Celestial Highway. Tell us the story of a street, path, road - real or imagined or metaphorical.
Here is my intro:I tried to jog ahead, only kicking up more dust on the already dusty road. My pedometer only said 17, and it had felt like a lifetime more than simply 17. I was already weary, and I still had tens of miles left to go in my search for the end of the road. What had at first seemed like a brilliant journey, filled with daffodils and rolling green hills, eventually turned into the desert that I was currently residing in. In the beginning, I had raced ahead as fast as my legs could travel, running through the green hills with my belongings that I believed I would need for my journey. In my immaturity, I had not stopped to realize that eventually these possessions would simply become burdens. Over time, I gradually slowed down, as my strength began to fleet and I realized I needed to conserve what energy I had left for the endless remainder of my trek. I eventually left all of my materials, covered now in dust, rain and snow in the path behind me. I had not agreed to this course when I first began it, believing in the idea that I would meet those along my journey to keep me company, and the trip would be leisurely.
Conclusion:And so, I present to the University of Chicago not just myself, but the knowledge that I have gained over the course of my 17 year journey along the road that I have chosen to travel. I may not know where my path will end up, but its significance lies in my experiences along the way.
I have 5 body paragraphs in between which, in similiar narrative style, describe my journey along this road, modeled after the short sort "Over the Hedge." I am not sure if this is too cliche-in terms of reffering metaphorically to the road of life? However-I do not ever expressly use that "road of life" statement.
Do you know that it is best not to end a sentence with a preposition? It is a nitpicking sort of rule, but here is how to apply it:
What had at first seemed like a brilliant journey, filled with daffodils and rolling green hills, eventually turned into the desert in which I was currently residing.
Or:
What had at first seemed like a brilliant journey, filled with daffodils and rolling green hills, eventually turned into the desert where I was currently residing.
This part has room for improvement:
I had not agreed to this course when I first began it; I believed that I would meet people along the way to keep me company, and that the trip would be leisurely.
You write very well! And you took a great approach in response to this prompt. Good idea, the metaphor is not too cliche, because they asked you to write about a street.
Yes, I had not noticed I ended that sentence with a preposition, although it is a small thing it makes a difference in quality of writing. Thank you very much for your help!
I think that you used nice diction to show the underlying metaphors of the highway as being 'life' and the pedometer reading '17' as being your age.
i think you wrote a really great essay here
I second what lasershot said. Great Job. I'm sure those 5 body paragraphs are great as well. And the road of life approach is not to cliche in my opinion.
I actually thought the metaphorical use of the "road of life" was quite appealing. I hope you integrated your personallity and authenticity in your essay, but I'm sure the additional five paragraphs have accomplished that. If you made the essay unique, and really accentuated on how this road has changed you, then the essay is certainly not cliche. Good job, and good luck. I, too, am applying to the University of Chicago.
