As the child of a pastor, I learned the meaning of being well-rounded through being reliable, resilient and flexible which are important qualities as a leader. For example, I have watched my father and mother lead a church which causes then to be able to relate and handle many different situations. In addition, I have been placed in situations that have pushed me pass my comfort zone. For instance, as a dancer and an athlete, there were times I was pushed beyond my own limitations in order to reach my goal. The development of myself has produced strong leadership skills and determination that I demonstrate in my schoolwork, as I run track, church, and in my home. As for my role in leadership, I am the one to take action when people are in need of help. Consequently, I have a younger sister and two younger brothers looking up to me. It is my responsibility to lead by example. I accomplish this by being determined to do my best and not give up. As a FAMU scholar, I will be the one to step up and take action in my classes, clubs, and in my future. Even though the journey may be challenging, I am up for the challenge. The FAMU community will gain a person determined to make positive changes starting with school and ending with the world.
For example, I have watched my father and mother lead a church which causes then to be able to relate and handle many different situations. This sentence is unimportant as it has nothing to do with you. You want to talk about you as much as possible, because the question asks about YOU. It leads to readers questioning as to "so what?" I did not ask you that.
Explain how you are "well-rounded through being reliable, resilient and flexible which are important qualities as a leader" what situations specifically.
"I was pushed beyond my own limitations in order to reach my goal." What limitations? You need to write your essay as if you were talking to the person. If you can come up with questions within your writing or think perhaps you would need to be present to explain to them what you meant, then you need to provide more examples and clarification. Write the essay like you were directly at an interview.
"The development of myself has produced strong leadership skills and determination that I demonstrate in my schoolwork, as I run track, church, and in my home" reword this. Maybe " My development as a leader has enveloped leadership skills and tenacity that is prominent in school, sports, at church, and at home. (then explain how it is demonstrated in those areas, like examples and what skills specifically)
"As for my role in leadership, I am the one to take action when people are in need of help. Consequently, I have a younger sister and two younger brothers looking up to me. It is my responsibility to lead by example." -reword- sounds like a robot talking. Let it flow. For example maybe word it like "A role associated in leadership is to initiate the action of providing people with help when required. I need to take the responsibility of being a leader in order to have my siblings cite me as a role model and have them follow me as an example." Something like that.
"I accomplish this by being determined to do my best and not give up" maybe word it " I am determined to lead and be a role model by performing my best and by not giving up."
"The FAMU community will gain a person determined to make positive changes starting with school and ending with the world." just say something such as "The FAMU community shall gain a member willing to implement changes throughoutt the world." (do not use the same word repeatedly i.e. determination. Use different words when you can.
Your essay has the idea, but just use the best language and syntax possible. You are competing with other applicants, so you want to make yours stand out and sound like you are an intelligent person that really put effort into the essay. All of these changes and things are suggestions, so feel free to obviously write it how you want, its your essay.
