Do you think it's a good idea to only write about biology, my intended major? I do say that I love other subjects as well but my true passion lies in biology. I also need to cut down by about 90 words. What do you think is unnecessary?
Thank you ahead of time!
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
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I am a child of science. Doubtlessly, this is due to my exposure to the sciences. My extended family includes a pathologist, surgeon, chemist, nutritionist, cardiologist, and researcher. Science dominates my life. Talks about the nutritional benefits of tofu, the hazardous affects of chemicals, and the inner workings of the heart pop up as casual conversation over my dinner table. And in one way or another, this has significantly influenced my love of science. In particular, biology is my lifelong partner.
One of my favorite pastime as a child was to flip open a gigantic animal encyclopedia and enjoy the breathing world, despite my inability to read English. I was not hindered by a language barrier. It could not separate life and me! It was during elementary school that I realized animals weren't static, that they interacted in numerous ways, whether beneficial or parasitic. I was amazed by the way ants worked together to carry an object far larger themselves. I also loved destroying ant mounds just to see them scatter and rebuild. Destructive, I know, but I think I was paid back in full by the numerous ant bites I received.
And then, I began middle school. I had never known the amount of diversity that existed in biology. My eyes shone as I thought about how a tiny seed can become a mighty sequoia. I was amazed by mutualism between animals of different species. Nature enamored me to say the least. On one end of the spectrum, molecular interactions within an organism never fails to impress. I am forever shocked by the accuracy and precision of DNA replication. The dreadful effects of Ebola fascinated me after I read a book known as The Hot Zone. On the other end, gargantuan animals always mystify me. How can they possibly become so large? But, I my love for biology was sealed in high school. Even though I had to learn terms that meant gibberish to me, I never lost interest in the intricacies of biology. My curiosity only magnified. To develop this, I spent three weeks every summer for the past two years working and observing in a lab that studied cancer and HCV cells. I wanted more.
And this interest has led me to Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences. My strong interest in biology has not hindered any of my other academic interests. I still enjoy a good book like any other literature buff and enjoy reading about the exploits of nations like a history lover. Thus, I am happy to find that Cornell's program requires students to take classes in both the humanities and the sciences. However, given that biology is my biggest interest, I am ecstatic to see that Cornell has world-renown professors teaching on campus. Cornell also has an extremely strong biology program which I plan to make full use of. Dare I also dream of studying biology out of the States through Cornell Abroad? With a 12:1 student: faculty ratio, I believe I will receive the personal attention I need to develop my interest. Furthermore, Cornell has a strong undergraduate research program, which I also plan to utilize; it's one thing to hear about things in the classroom and another to work in research projects with biology faculties, many of whom have earned national recognition. Cornell's commitment to realizing that each student is different also impressed me; I am not a number, but a person. I believe that I will thrive in this type of ecosystem.
On one end of the spectrum, molecular interactions within an organism never failed to impress.
But, I my love for biology was sealed in high school.
***OMIT
Wow! Amazing essay! This is really spectacular - Good Luck!
Do you mind giving my "science and medicine" essay a critique?
No problem! By the way, I made some brief edits AFTER the editting period... so I'll post it right under. What did you think I did well? I personally think its kind of weak but I don't know where haha. I'll go read yours now :)
I am a child of science. Doubtlessly, this is due to my exposure to the sciences. My extended family includes a pathologist, surgeon, chemist, nutritionist, cardiologist, and researcher. Science dominates my life. Talks about the nutritional benefits of tofu, the hazardous affects of chemicals, and the inner workings of the heart pop up as casual conversation over my dinner table. And in one way or another, this has significantly influenced my love of science. In particular, biology is my lifelong partner.
One of my favorite pastime as a child was to flip open a gigantic animal encyclopedia and enjoy the breathing world, despite my inability to read English. I was not hindered by a language barrier. It could not separate life and me! It was during elementary school that I realized animals weren't static. They interacted in numerous ways, whether beneficial or parasitic. I was amazed by the way ants worked together to carry an object far larger themselves. I also loved destroying ant mounds just to see them scatter and rebuild. Destructive, I know, but I was paid back in full by the numerous ant bites I received.
And then, I began middle school. I had never known the amount of diversity that existed in biology. My eyes shone as I thought about how a tiny seed can become a mighty sequoia. I was amazed by mutualism between animals of different species. Nature enamored me to say the least. On one end of the spectrum, molecular interactions within an organism never failed to impress. I am forever shocked by the accuracy and precision of DNA replication. The dreadful effects of Ebola fascinated me after I read a book known as The Hot Zone. On the other end, gargantuan animals always mystify me. How can they possibly become so large? What makes it possible? But, I married biology in high school. Even though I had to learn terms that meant gibberish to me, I never lost interest in its intricacies. My curiosity only magnified. To satisfy this, I spent three weeks every summer for the past two years working and observing in a lab that studied cancer and HCV cells. I wanted more.
And this has led me to Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences. My strong interest in biology has not hindered any of my other academic interests. I still enjoy a good book like any other literature buff and enjoy reading about the exploits of nations like a history lover. Thus, I am happy to find that Cornell's program requires students to take classes in both the humanities and the sciences. However, given that biology is my biggest interest, I am ecstatic to see that Cornell has world-renown professors teaching on campus. Furthermore, Cornell has a strong undergraduate research program, which I also plan to utilize; it's one thing to hear about things in the classroom and another to work in research projects with biology faculties, many of whom have earned national recognition. Dare I also dream of studying biology out of the States through Cornell Abroad? Cornell's commitment to realizing that each student is different also impressed me; I am not a number, but a person. With a 12:1 student: faculty ratio, I believe I will receive the personal attention I need to develop my interest. This is truly an ecosystem where I will thrive in.
I really like the re-write. Very good and to the point.
the best thing is your unique voice that emanates through each sentence of this essay! All I can say is wonderful... wouldn't change a thing!
I made some corrections on yours. I think its a very unique essay because the idea of a scientist being an artist is lost at times. But, I think it needs to be smoother and I couldn't shorten it much... if at all. Reread it like three times and see if anything looks like extra info. Good luck!
For mine, do you think I can't cut anything down? Cornell has a max of 500 words and i'm sitting on about 560. Also am I talking about Cornell enough?
Thank you!
My advice would be to maybe talk more about Cornell and you at Cornell - since the majority of the essay is about your family and science during your school years. Maybe omit some sentences about the school years and talk more about Cornell.
Also, can you give mine another read... I posted an edited version this time and can you come up with a question that would be answered by my essay (its apart of the prompt) Thanks
well i like the revised version but at the end with the 12:1 ratio i think you can cut that out if you need to reduce the word limit but other than that your development as time progressed needs to be a little clearer because when you say your love for it intensified on you jump topics from gargantuan creatures to cancer cells. It is not necessarily wrong but to me it sounds a little ackward.
Didja c the new essay i posted under my roommate essay? i need a whole new batch of critiques so any given would help if you can, may you look over it?
I like your use of specific examples rather than broad generalizations to show your passion for science. One thing I saw would be: ...the hazardous effects of chemicals ... (remember, effect is used as a noun and affect as a verb; most of the time anyway). Could you take a look at mine? Good Luck!
At nr554: What do you think should be cut? The question asks for an evolution so I felt it was good to go through the whole thing to make it cohesive. I'll probably try to cut some unnecessary detail to streamline it. Do you think I don't talk about Cornell enough or that it's too generic?
At Walden: i read over your new one, but I couldn't comment much because it changed so much! Is it still letter to roommate? If it is, try to add a tinge of humor if at all possible. That way the AO can see you are both dedicated AND funny! Always a good thing. Also can you see the question I asked at the end of my Stanford essay? Thanks a lot!
At Kimisizer: I loved your essay. I think you don't really need to change anything (Grammar isn't really my forte though so yeah...)
Thanks to all!
Rewrite to make it seem more specific to Cornell
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I am a child of science. Doubtlessly, this is due to my exposure to the sciences. My extended family includes a pathologist, surgeon, chemist, nutritionist, cardiologist, and researcher. Science dominates my life. Talks about the nutritional benefits of tofu, the hazardous effects of chemicals, and the inner workings of the heart pop up as casual conversation over my dinner table. And in one way or another, this has significantly influenced my love of science. In particular, biology is my lifelong partner.
One of my favorite pastime as a child was to flip open a gigantic animal encyclopedia and enjoy the breathing world, despite my inability to read. I was not hindered by the language barrier. It could not separate life and me! Soon, I realized animals weren't static. They interacted in numerous ways, whether beneficial or not. I was amazed by the way ants worked together to carry an object far larger themselves. I also loved destroying ant mounds just to see ants scatter and rebuild. Destructive, I know, but those ants knew the meaning of revenge, leaving me with numerous bites.
And then, I began middle school. I had never known the amount of diversity that existed in biology. My eyes shone as I thought about a tiny seed becoming a mighty sequoia. I was amazed by mutualism between animals of different species. Nature enamored me to say the least. On one end of the spectrum, gargantuan animals always mystify me. How can they possibly become so large? What makes it possible? On the other end, molecular interactions within an organism never failed to impress. I was forever shocked by the accuracy and precision of DNA replication. The dreadful effects of Ebola fascinated me after I read The Hot Zone. Then, I married biology in high school. Even though I had to learn terms that looked Greek, I never lost interest in its intricacies. My curiosity only magnified. To satisfy this, I spent three weeks every summer for the past two years working and observing in a lab that studied cancer and HCV cells. I wanted more.
And this has led me to Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences. My strong interest in biology has not hindered any of my other academic interests. I still enjoy a good book like any other literature buff and enjoy reading about the exploits of nations like a history lover. Thus, I am happy to find that Cornell's program requires students to take classes in both the humanities and the sciences. However, given that biology is my biggest interest, I am ecstatic to see that Cornell has renown professors teaching on campus. I am also amazed by Cornell's belief in incorporating students into research projects to provide a quality liberal arts program; it's one thing to hear about things in the classroom and another to work in research projects with biology faculties, many of whom have earned national recognition. Cornell's One Course at a Time schedule enamors me. Few colleges would allow students to go on field trips to connect what they learn in class with practicality! The Dimensions program at Cornell will truly prepare me as a pre-med student. Dare I also dream of studying biology out of the States through Cornell Abroad? This is truly an ecosystem I will thrive in.
55 words over but.. yea. Thanks!
