PLEASE HELP WITH MY PAPER, IT'S DUE MARCH 1ST. PLEASE HELP I REALLY NEED SOME FEED BACKS
THANKS ALOT YOU GUYS
During your time at Whitman, how do you envision engaging with a current local, national, or global issue that is important to you?
I was eight years old, when I witness Isata; my best friend beaten to the point of unconsciousness as her father forcefully dragged her away to be sold off. Her mother clutched on her husband's garment, crying out "mepa wo kyÎľw yÉ› fa mi babaa" (please don't take my daughter). She was silenced with a hit to the face, while the village people passed by. I was scared, confused, angry and disgusted as I watched helplessly. I can still hear the voice of Isata, pledging and crying "NOOOOO". This repugnant image was the last memory I have of her, as she was sold as a bride, into child trafficking.
To know that society stood by and watched this act being committed against an innocent child antagonized me. This obnoxious practice is being committed in most regions in Africa, and society masked it up by calling it "traditions" or "culture." To this day, elderly still believe that "it is the duty of a female to grow up ripe in order to be plugged." Those that grew up and live in these societies are blindfolded by the teaching of the old ways, which results in innocent females being sold as brides as a source of income for their family. Many of these children are seen on the streets, as prostitutes, in polygamist marriage with many children, and uneducated. When a child makes a decision to run away from home, to prevent being married off, she is considered a pariah within the village. Isata, has made me realized the importance of making my contributions to the struggle of child trafficking alleviation in my region, where the prevailing trafficking rate is high.
With my interest in Economics and International Studies, Whitman's Economics program will prepare me for my future career as a UN Women Representative; changing foreign policies centering on women and children developments. As a student at Whitman, I will join the national World Concern organization, to help promote and advocate cases of child trafficking. At Whitman, I envision creating a nonprofit organization, which will provide direct services such as awareness training in villages in Africa, to discuss issues on child abuse and children's rights. This organization will also provide shelters for those that run away from these abusive homes. Whitman College will enhance my confidence, and equip me with the support needed to advocate in the local community concerning the treatment of females in Africa. I also hope to start a campaign that will bring attention on Africa's educational system. This campaign will be a call to action, in changing the educational laws concerning K-12, to guarantee that all children are enrolled in school. I strongly believe that through education, the traditional cycle of these practices will be put to end.
My passion to eradicating this issue in Africa cannot be accomplished alone. Whitman's vibrant community will help me achieve my academic and career goals. I will thrive and succeed in this institution, so that the next time a child is being forcefully dragged away, society won't turn their backs on these children.
I was eight years old, when I witnessed Isata, my best friend was beaten to the point of unconsciousness as her father forcefully dragged her away to be sold off.
.... I changed punctuation to comma!
She was silenced with a hit to the face
She was silenced with a slap on her face.Those that grew up and live in these societies are blindfolded by the teaching of the old ways, which results in innocent females being sold as brides as a source of income for their family.
[
i]Such conservative upbringings make these people to be blindfoldedly follow such unethical traditions that result in having innocent females being sold as brides as a source of income for their families.[/i]Hi Annie, I appreciate the kind words on my Whitman supplement. I think there are a lot of grammatical errors in this essay, which I have crossed out and put the correct version. Your essay is very powerful, especially the introductory anecdote. I think you need to eliminate a majority of the second paragraph because you don't need to talk so much about the history or background information on your issue. Your beginning is powerful enough, and it does not need any more information, aside from YOUR personal thoughts on how you will ENGAGE. I hope this helps! Good luck on your application, I know it's due tonight :)
Well first i would start off by telling you NEVER write in first person (ex. you, i me) only use those if you are writing an opinion piece because then what you think matters. always write in third person and never write pronouns like (he, she)
-hope that helped! (:
