Please Help: Thank you for taking your time to read:
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Response: The earliest childhood memory that I have is that of my father beating my mother. He would come home at midnight, intoxicated, expecting food on the table. We often had little if any money for food. The little money we did have went towards fueling his daily habit. On the days he arrived home sober he would critique my mother, which often led to violence. Finally, one day my mother said enough is enough; we fled and came to the United States.
My family is from Mixtepec, a small Indian village in Oaxaca, Mexico. I am the youngest of nine children and the only one to fluently speak three different languages: Spanish, English, and Mixteco. My parents did not finish the sixth grade. My mother speaks little Spanish, if any, and as for my father, I did not know him very well. He died in the summer of 2010 from Diabetic Neuropathy and Peripheral Vascular Disease.
My mother and I came to the United States as Migrant farm workers. We worked picking blueberries and tobacco in North Carolina, New Jersey and Massachusetts. I would often miss a month of school each year in elementary school. As a result, my learning slowed.
In the summer of 2008 my mother left to go back to Mexico to take care of my dying father; she left me with my brothers and sister. With my mother gone and father dying, my biggest obstacle became not having anyone for support. I felt abandoned despite the fact, that it was not her fault that she could not come back. I felt very alone. I have learned that life can be unfair at times but you cannot give up just because the going gets tough. As a result of my hardships I have learned forgiveness, self-assurance and determination.
Habitat for Humanity has been my second home for the past three years of high school. I have done everything from in-office filing work to on the field construction work helping families in need. I have over one thousand recorded community service hours. Most recently, I started canvassing with Americans for Prosperity to try to educate the public on the economy, one person at a time. Throughout these three years I have learned that I am intrinsically motivated. I enjoy putting a smile on someone's face. I believe that God has a plan for me; he has put obstacles in front of me to help me find my life purpose.
I believe my life purpose is to serve, impact, and encourage people that have been, currently are or will ever be in my situation. I will also continue to serve my community. I will major in Mechanical Engineering and minor in Aeronautical Engineering. I also hope to be active in politics. I will make it a point to help my younger nieces and nephews by serving as a positive role model and encouraging them to appreciate their educational opportunity. One thing that can never be taken away is their education.
I have known hardship, I have endured, and I have been broken. The road ahead is tough but nothing is impossible as long as I am willing to endure.
Kevin, you need to cut down on the back story of your parents and concentrate on you. Skim over the abuse, your coming to the U.S. and having to work as migrant farm workers. Summarize the death of your father and your mother going home to care for him. Concentrate on feeling alone. Then discuss how habitat for humanity came into your life and how the organization helped you develop a better sense of you are as a person and what your life aspirations should be. That will bring the essay totally in line with the prompt. Don't worry about the word count. You can go over since this is just the draft. It will fall into the word requirement as the revisions are completed.
Habitat for Humanity has been my second home for the past three years of high school. I have done everything from in-office filing work to on the field construction work helping families in need. I have over one thousand recorded community service hours. Most recently, I started canvassing with Americans for Prosperity to try to educate the public on the economy, one person at a time. Throughout these three years I have learned that I am intrinsically motivated. I enjoy putting a smile on someone's face. I believe that God has a plan for me; he has put obstacles in front of me to help me find my life purpose.
- Build up this portion because it is this exposure that led you to your dreams and aspirations of helping others today. This is the real world that helped shape who you became. Your parent's role in that stopped when your mother left you to go care for your father. You said so yourself, you felt abandoned. This organization was your home. So talk about their influence on you.