I'm chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall; University of Wisconsin Supp

Here is the prompt: Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.

When I asked my friends to describe me, I got this list in return: chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall. While I take pride in being a good student and responsible individual, I definitely would not choose "chill" as an adjective to sum up my character. I understand where my friends are coming from because I am usually the last person to start an argument, especially just for the sake of being disagreeable. I rarely lose my temper, and my favorite way to approach a problem is to figure out what everyone wants and make a compromise. However, I think that the word chill would more aptly describe someone who has little motivation and would rather choose to do nothing than stand up to a challenge. That is not the kind of person I am.

I am the kind of person who read all 900 pages of The Mists of Avalon just because my sister said I wouldn't be able to get through it. I became a lifeguard and went through the hardest physical training of my life, because I was determined to get the best summer job in Evanston. When my dad promised to buy me a new ipod if I fixed the computer, to his surprise, I quickly took it apart and researched the problem until I learned how to fix it. I believe that my determination and drive to succeed goes largely unnoticed because of my easygoing and laid back personality. However, it is one of my most important traits because ambition helps me challenge myself and therefore grow as both a student and a well rounded individual.

I rarely lose my temper, and my favorite way to approach a problem is to figure out what everyone wants andto make a compromise

Is that what you meant?
Well.... sounds good....only, you have too many pluses that might give them the feeling you are overdoing on it. I mean, the account on you is not balanced and gives the impression that you are really very smart.

I made these changes to the first paragraph:

When I asked my friends to describe me, their answers were along the lines of : chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall. While I take pride in being a good student and responsible individual, I definitely would not choose "chill" as an adjective to sum up my character. I understand where my friends are coming from because I am the last person to start an argument, especially just for the sake of being disagreeable. Instead of racing for the front seat of the car, I am happy to sit in the back. When playing sports I am very competitive but I never let the other team get under my skin. Although I have a relaxed personality, I think that the word chill would more aptly describe someone who has little motivation and would rather choose to do nothing than stand up to a challenge. That is not the kind of person I am.

Does that make it better? I am trying to show not tell and all that stuff but I don't know if i'm being specific enough.

Yes.... I find the second draft more justifiable and you are able to convince your point to the reader in a very balanced manner. I have only a few suggestions;


Chill, smart, nice, responsible, funny and tall are the terms my friends use to describe me. While I take pride in having most of those characteristics, I do not like to choose "chill" as an adjective to sum up my character.

Good writing :)