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"China birth control policy" - Need help with Common App Essay

zz2ds 1 / -  
Dec 5, 2010   #1
According to the birth control policy in China, each married couple may have only one child. Because of this law, I am an only child in my family. My parents migrated to a coastal city called Shenzhen before I was born. As a result, my parents were separated from their families and raised me alone.

In China, many people deemed that I was fortunate for being an only child. They said that I didn't need to share anything with anyone, and my parents would always spoil me. That was what people thought of me. I used to assent to what they told me. Nevertheless, as I grew up, I didn't agree being an only child in my family was such a great thing. Yes, I admit that my parents would give me what I wanted, and I didn't need to share, yet I would never experience being part of an extended family.

When I heard my friends tell me how they fought with their brothers and sisters, how their brothers taught them, I wished these kinds of things would happen to me! I would desire I had elder brothers or sisters to help me if I argued with other kids. I would desire I could argue over toys with a brother or sister. I would even desire an older brother or sister to hit me if I annoyed them.

Because of this, I am one of the few students who is actually excited about living in a dorm. It will be like I finally get the brothers and sisters I've always wanted. I always imagine that I will live in a room with two of my best friends: we will share our food, work together in our academic work, yell at each other when we wait for the bathroom, and call each other brothers... I will hang out with my brothers in library when we are free; I will always have my brothers' back when they are in trouble; I will help my brothers solve any academic problems as long as we work together. I can still have chance to experience this kind of life with other people. I have yearned for starting a whole new chapter in my life in college.

Can someone give me some feedback about this essay? Thank you

sonnofali 3 / 7  
Dec 5, 2010   #2
I would say be more specific. The goal is to make your essay as unique and memorable as possible and in order to do so, you need to be specific about times where you felt lonely, etc. Make it so personal that no one else in the world can claim this as their story too.
hahoonh 4 / 12  
Dec 6, 2010   #3
I guess you should talk more about yourself, not about china and its policy, siblings and so on. Adcoms wants to see who you are, and if you describe yourself as a victim of one child policy, who wants a sibling and would love to live in a dorm....well, that's not really who you are, isn't it? show your values more, such as leaderships, composure and whatnots.

Anyways, good luck with your application!

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