UC Prompt 1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
When I was in China, back when I was five years old, I would spend my afternoons sitting on my father's lap and watching him and my other family members play the fascinating game of deuce. Deuce is an Asian playing card game where four players attempt to get rid of their cards the fastest and avoids being last. I have a huge family, so every time we play deuce, I always have a variety of players to watch and various perspectives to watch from, depending on where I'm sitting. However, I mostly sat beside my father and my grandmother because they seemed to stay in the game the most. My dad always said, "Not losing is enough, you don't have to win." My dad applies this concept and stays in the game most of the time, since he doesn't aim to win. Winning isn't everything - not losing is enough. Another concept my dad taught me was patience, which I learned when he held back on my first aunt, then when my father and my second aunt was left, he threw down a barrage of cards and won third place, allowing him to stay in the next round. In that respect, I saw my dad as a cunning fox. Patience yields opportunities, as my second aunt was low on good cards and my dad was able to capitalize on that opening and seized it. After a long time of observation, I started to play the game myself.
After I came to the San Francisco, I stopped playing deuce. However, every morning, I picked up a copy of the SF Examiner and always headed toward the Economy page. I eyeballed the page, scanning for news on stocks. Stocks interested me since there are many factors that influence the selling price, varying from companies merging to false information.
During high school, by chance, I reunited with deuce. I saw it being played in the cafeteria in the mornings I got to school early. Every morning, I always played a hand of deuce before I went to class, reminding myself of the concepts that my dad taught me. Using the cards that are discarded by my fellow deuce-lovers, I plan out my strategy accordingly, waiting for opportunities to arise. Almost every morning, I always basked in the glory of not losing, starting off my day in a good mood for class.
My afternoons in China have strengthened me with the conviction that winning isn't everything and that patience is a virtue. The idea of not losing and having patience led me to consider investing in stocks. To me, stock trading seems just like a game of deuce - get rid of the stocks that are dropping fast, and be patient for stocks to rise. Stock traders love data, and so do I. I aspire to be a stock trader on Wall Street, because I like the idea of being a hunter hunting for good stocks and disposing of depreciating stocks.
Patience is one of the greatest virtues one can have, especially when you are in a tight bind. In stocks, people can get discouraged by the amount of time a certain stock needs to rise. However, being patient is a great asset, necessary for work and life, whether it be a game of deuce or the stock market. I find that being patient will save me from blunders I can possibly make. Unnecessary risks can always be avoided, if one is patient enough.
Please help me edit this essay for prompt 1 of UC admissions. Any feedback would be appreciated! Thank you!
Hi, I looked over your essay and I have a few suggestions.
Deuce is an Asian playing card game where four players attempt to get rid of their cards the fastest to avoid being last.
In that respect, I saw my dad as a cunning fox. (this somehow seems akward to me...maybe use another metaphor...)
However, every morning, I picked up a copy of the SF Examiner and always went to the Economy page. ("headed" is too informal and slang. I'm not sure if it's even a real word)
During high school, by chance, I reunited with deuce. I saw it being played in the cafeteria in the mornings I arrived early to school.
I aspire to be a stock trader on Wall Street (no comma here) because I like the idea of hunting for good stocks and disposing of depreciating stocks.
Almost every morning, I (delete "always" because it is redundant of when you said "every morning") basked in the glory of not losing, starting my day in a good mood for class.
Everything else looks pretty good!
