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From China - learning about American universities - Personal statement for transfer


zhp199439 1 / -  
Nov 14, 2013   #1
Please tell us something about yourself, your experiences, or activities that you believe would reflect positively on your ability
to succeed at Penn State. This is your opportunity to tell us something about yourself that is not already reflected
in your application or academic records. We suggest a limit of 500 words or fewer.

I was born in a remote city, Mudanjing, in the northeast area of China. I spent the first nine years of my life in a hulking apartment building, playing with my buddies on the sandy school playground. In this isolated town-like city, I experienced the simple pleasures of childhood. However, my family was not satisfied with my future prospects if I stayed in the town because they believed that environment would ultimately determine a person's destiny. Therefore, they constantly sought out ways to broaden my perspective and enrich my life, taking me to various places to expose me to new things. When I was eight, even though my family was not wealthy, my father took me to Beijing so that I could see the outside world. Consequently, I was known as the most knowledgeable student by my peers. During the sixth grade, my father transferred me to a middle school in Harbin, where he wanted me to acclimate to the urban community.

With my academic achievement throughout elementary and middle school, I was admitted to the most selective high school in Harbin. In spite of the excellent academic atmosphere, our teachers were hesitant to let us conduct research work because of the lack of both equipment and proper lab conditions. We were told to read the results of the experiments and just visualize the labs. I reluctantly accepted our situation, which further strengthened my inherited belief that a person's location can account for their intellectual advancement.

However, my perspective changed upon learning about several American universities. To my surprise, the university labs were not filled with fancy equipment as I had expected. What I saw instead were passionate and diligent students occupying the plain labs. I realized that it is not a superpower machine that results in scientific findings; rather, it was the dedication and the urge to make a change that inspired a person to excel in his field. I learned that this was the precise lesson that my grandfather and father were trying to teach me. Though they shared their belief that my environment could affect my future, in reality, that belief was just one manifestation of the true rule: willpower determines location, not the other way around.

My newfound perspective proved useful after joiningthe Harbin Institute of Technology when working as a researcher in the wind tunnel laboratory. Despite the possession of advanced equipment, the students were performing the same exact procedures written by their predecessors, and consequently were getting the same results and doing the same analysis! Believing that scholars must possess a passion for their studies, I expressed my concern to my mentor: Why don't we utilize this advanced tunnel to do some different kinds of research? Maybe we could create mock tornados in our wind tunnel and explore ways in which tornados can benefit humans. Could we design new spoilers and vanes to facilitate this sort of study? Surprised and excited at my unusual ideas, my mentor investigated them the following year.

The wheel came full circle when, I returned to the home of my youthlast year and shared my newfound perspective with the children there. In particular, there was one boy who believed that he would never make it out of the district. His eyes lit up when I said to him, "It is not your location that chooses you, it is you who chooses your location."
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 18, 2013   #2
I was born in a remote city, Mudanjing, in the northeast area of China. I spent the first nine years of my life in a hulking apartment building, playing with my buddies on the sandy school playground.

.... well I didn't run your essay on word count check, but feel it may be over 500 words. So here's some suggestion for trimming down the count;

Being born in a remote city of Mudanjing in the Northeast China, I spend my first nine years in a hulking apartment building paying with my buddies on the sandy school playground.

However, my family was not satisfied with my future prospects if I stayed in the town because they believed that environment would ultimately determine a person's destiny.

However, my family was not satisfied with what it provided for my future prospects because they believed that environment would ultimately determine a person's destiny

Therefore, they constantly sought out ways to broaden my perspective and enrich my life, taking me to various places to expose me to new things.

They constantly sought out ways and means to broaden my perspectives and enrich my outlook, giving me the exposure of new environments and things.


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