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'China during tough times' - the environment in which you were raised influenced you?

aleggie 1 / -  
Oct 12, 2009   #1
This is my first draft of an essay for secondary school admission (10th grade)

China Times

I chose to right about how my family influenced me.
Please let me know what you think, give me some suggestions. :] I am new to this site.. so i'm not quite sure how this works..

My family and their belief and support in me have made me the person I am today. Who I am today, what I stand for, and my morals, I have my parents to thank for that.

Growing up, they always told me that there is no replacement for hard work. My parents are a fine example of that themselves. Both of my parents grew up in China during very tough times.

My father grew up in a wealthy family; they lived in what can only be considered a mansion. During the rising of communist China, everything changed. His family was stripped of their wealth, and was looked down upon by their community. My grandfather was sent away, and his family was forced to survive through harsh times. Deprived of basic childhood joys, my father buried his head in schoolwork, and made it his goal persevered and became one of the top students in his school. My father has told me the tale of studying for the college admission test. During his time, college acceptance rates in China were very low, only one in eleven got into a college, and whether or not you got into college was determined by one test. During that summer, he locked himself in a room and studied under the dim lamplight, for days on end, until his eyes blurred. I imagine it must have been frustrating and nerve wracking to have your entire future depending on one test, but when my father aced the test, he proved that hard work and perseverance are the factors of success. The legend of my father and his diligence makes me proud to be his daughter, and has infused in my mind the importance of working hard, and that success cannot be achieved without it.

Growing up, I was always a very inquisitive and curios childïit was these traits that would always land me in trouble. If there was a bug on a tree, I wanted to follow it and see where it lived. If it was Christmas Eve, I wanted to see how Santa Klaus would come, seeing as we had no chimney. If I could climb to the top of the jungle gym, I wanted to one up gravity, and prove that I could fly. I believe that childhood curiosity is something that carries on throughout life. Interest in the world around them is not a bad thing. My parents recognized this, and supported me on my multitude of adventures. Their support has allowed me to explore my world, and to be proud of my curiosity.

As a teen who has yet to experience and understand many things, I am grateful for all the moral lessons my parents have taught me. From the simple "treat others the way you would want to be treated," golden rule, to the long talks about the thin line dividing right and wrong, my parents have always been the ones to guide me through my upbringing. Being exposed to so many diverse communities, I have been able to put the golden rule to good use. My parents trust me to make good decisions, and they trust they have molded me to be a good person. I am lucky to have embedded in my mind the advice and wisdom of my parents.

By example, through support, and by giving advice, my parents have influenced me to become the best person I can. I have implemented their fundamental morals into my own life, and their advice and kind words are things I know I can always rely on. My parents have helped me to distinguish right from wrong, they have encouraged me to be myself, and they have taught me that there is never an easy way out of hard work. Because of their encouragement to ask questions, and to be curious, I am more interested in the world around me. The influence of parents on a child is something that is unable to be rivaled by the influence of any other relationship.

harzel 3 / 18  
Oct 13, 2009   #2
Hi I'm also a Chinese but I'm applying for colleges.
Here is my suggestion.
Your topic is 'How your family influenced you', not 'How my father succeeded'. The whole third paragraph is talking about your father. Where are you? Maybe you should include more interactions between you and your father in that period of time.

Be critical about my suggestion and good luck.

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