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"How can a Chinese boy play guitar" - Common Application


admiraljes 2 / 14  
Dec 21, 2011   #1
My hands moved across the instrument, fingertips brushing its glossy surface. Standing under the bright limelight, I felt a sense of belonging. The drums began: one, two, three... That was my cue. I gently flicked my wrist and began playing the first notes of my life.

"Piano it is. It's the king of all musical instruments," said my father.
Like every obedient Chinese child, I had to choose between the violin and piano. Though my American side dictated I had the freedom to pursue my own interests, the piano was chosen for me regardless. Every day after school, my mother would drive me to a writing workshop, a math tutor, and finally my piano lesson. Whenever I questioned the purpose of this difficult regimen, the answer was always because, as a Chinese child, my duty was to become great, like a "Long" (or dragon). Moving to China became a crescendo of pressure, especially when my parents purchased a brand-new piano and hired a private local instructor. Compared to my patient American teacher, this Chinese counterpart was austere; she would hit my hands with a ruler whenever they faltered.

One day, I passed by a CD store blasting "Livin' on a Prayer". Briefly, I felt as if I was strolling by the neighborhood records store back in California. On the TV screen, I watched intently as Richie Sambora rocked out his Stratocaster. Eyes closed and mouth half-open, he seemed to be in a perfect dream; it was the look of bliss. This look was the prelude to my decision that piano didn't provide the fulfillment that I wanted from an instrument. Each note resounding from Sambora's guitar represented my American side calling me to finally make my own choice.

I met an overwhelming chorus of objections. "How can a Chinese boy play guitar when all successful people play piano, violin, or cello?" Though I tried to explain to my parents how I would be happier with a guitar, my mother only threw up her hands and exclaimed, "Have your American 'pursuit of happiness'; if you reject your Chinese heritage, so be it."

After buying my first guitar, I quickly learned to play, guided only by passion as a teacher. With guitar, I felt truly happy. I knew I had found my calling. However, I found that the music theory from piano lessons formed the solid basis upon which I built my guitar skills. Moreover, guitar and piano seemed to be the perfect complements; the bright, sharp notes of the guitar blended in with the warm, dulcet tones of the piano. Thus, for a charity concert, I formed a band with piano and guitar as the main instruments.

My fingers danced across the Les Paul's rosewood fretboard, tapping each string at precise locations to deliver the cadence of the finishing chorus. Out of the amplifier came a resonating final harmony of notes. In that harmony, I discerned both my guitar and my band's piano. They united to create one music, my music.

Any comments would be appreciated. Suggestions on how to improve would be even more appreciated. And the most brutally honest remarks would be appreciated the most! Please help a poor double-rejected (yeah, I really did receive two rejections) applicant out!
ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 21, 2011   #2
Jessy

This was a really good and solid essay! It perfectly demonstrates your struggle with the piano and how it was not quite right for you. I loved the ending line very much, I think it closes this essay well. The uses of description and figures of speech were artfully incorporated and not overdone as I've seen. What was the prompt though?

I met an overwhelming chorus of objections.

Suggestion: I was overwhelmed with a chorus of objections.

That was my only edit really. Very well done.

Hope this helps!
OP admiraljes 2 / 14  
Dec 21, 2011   #3
Oh, the prompt was sort of a combination between (1) Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. and (5) A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you. so I decided to choose (6) Topic of your choice.

Thank you for your feedback!
ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 21, 2011   #4
Jessy

Oh okay I see..Your welcome.
menukagrg 7 / 98  
Dec 23, 2011   #5
American side dictated I had the freedom - American side dictated that i had the freedom (is easy on ears...whatever that means)

the answer was always because- the answer had always been (grammatically correct but i don't think yours is wrong either)

I met an overwhelming chorus of objections.- Zhoe made a good suggestion but it is actually perfect the way it is. It sounds stronger.

Your essay is really good, love the ending sentence. I know all about the strict asian teacher beating the crap out of students so my heart goes out to you my fellow abused friend. Goodluck. I also recently got rejected from a school, so i know how you feel. :)
deremifri 9 / 137  
Dec 27, 2011   #6
Great essay,

maybe "Like every obedient chinese child I had the freedom to chose between"
gets your feelings better across.

If you have time I would be honored to get a feedback from you.
Suzhou 3 / 7  
Dec 27, 2011   #7
A very minor suggestion: When you write "long", remember to italicize it. And if you can the tone online and incorporate it into the word, that wouldn't hurt either.
shelia1993 4 / 22  
Dec 28, 2011   #8
Your essay is very solid. Mine actually has the similar idea with yours, but I did a poor job. Good luck with your application!
wya7890 2 / 15  
Dec 28, 2011   #9
Wow...you have a Les Paul? I am jealous :)
I have no complaints whatsoever about your essay. It was concise, powerful, and it showcased your passion for music very nicely.
I do feel that the (or dragon) bit detracts a little from the mood of the sentence, but I think that's just me.
"Moving to China became a crescendo of pressure" should perhaps be, instead, "Moving to China brought on a crescendo of pressure". I see you incorporated some music terms into your essay as well!

Thanks for looking over my essay, and good luck!


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