Comments, esp criticisms, are extremely helpful...thanks to all in advance :)
b]What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)[/b]
I like admiring the Chinese characters mixed with English alphabet in my Cantonese comic books that creatively portray typical Hong Kong "Canglish." I daily try out solutions to cure my own myopia, through Chinese callisthenic techniques, or carrots, or my own creatively invented methods. The aspect of my personality that I enjoy most is my eccentric creativity. Though it does not arise from surpassing genius, my eccentricity is both the cause and effect of the way I think and speak, and lends to my creativity. For this reason, I easily identify with the bizarre personalities of kids, who I work with every week through community service and church. I strive to use words and ideas to help the kids visualize and understand concepts. It feels ridiculous expressing my eccentricity before the children; yet, holding it back detracts from the learning experience for them and me, and I realize the only way to teach is to do it dynamically. At school, I am inspired by the creative works that peers put their minds into, and their ideas often facilitate my own. And so, my sense of humor is colored by eccentric thinking and quirky perspectives that deviate freely. I truly appreciate AP classes because they let me learn about worlds that creative poets, physicists, and engineers have revolutionized. By delving into the content in these classes, I can then view the world in larger scope and use the knowledge from one area to creatively enhance my understanding of the next.
At school, I am inspired ..
^This should be a new paragraph I think.
Also, you abruptly end you essay with the description about AP classes.
But, you're writing is beautiful and it induces humor. A great essay overall. :))
Please check out my essay too :))
Chinese characters mixed with English alphabet --this part could be worded more clearly
I daily try out solutions to cure my own myopia, through Chinese callisthenic techniques, or carrots, or my own creatively invented methods.--I try out various solutions to cure my own myopia--Chinese callisthenic techniques, carrots, or my own creative methods.
surpassing genius--surpassing? That word doesn't really make sense here
Give some examples of the "eccentricity" you display with the kids! Try to clarify your other ideas, too; many times your writing is a bit ambiguous, as though you assume the reader already knows what you are talking about. Also, stick to one main point. You try to cram in too many ideas, and it takes away from the focus and clarity of the essay. Hope I helped :)
Also, do you mind reading my essay on engineering for UVA? It's on the above link.
Thanks all:) K, I'll try to focus it around one point more, <--thanks for that advice , Perhaps I will repost a bit later
Sure i'll look at your guys' too!