Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
Please tell me if this answers the question, indicate any glaring mistakes, or just give some advice.
Thanks!
When I became a 7th grader our high school introduced a new subject to the curriculum - Mandarin Chinese. We were the first class to be offered this subject and the few curious ones, including me, decided to study this new and seemingly bizarre language.
Our teacher was from China. He had moved to Greece recently and was a true carrier of his culture. In fact, in the first two years not only were we struggling with the language, but also struggling to overcome a subtle cultural barrier between teacher and students. However, as time went by I got a better taste of this previously unknown to me language and culture. I began to understand the different approach to language in China as opposed to that of most western languages. For instance, if in English we depend on the structure of the word, the different syllables to discern between meanings, in Chinese it is the actual intonation of a syllable that determines the meaning. So a syllable like "san" could have 5 different meanings depending on the intonation with which it is pronounced.
Something that also amazed me was Chinese poetry. If the poems in English and similar languages rhyme by having words with similar syllable endings, Chinese poetry does not necessarily require this to rhyme. Instead, two seemingly different word endings which have the same intonation in the end could be considered as rhyming.
Overall, studying Chinese up to IGCSE level was an amazing experience. I had the chance to submerge myself into a different world, and I think I can now reflect back on these lessons and say that I view the world from a more global perspective.
Interestingly, my Chinese teacher ended up telling me that he had worked in a team on a project for CERN a few years ago, which I found exciting and I guess this was one of the many factors that contributed to my growing interest in science over the years. This 5 year long experience has therefore had an immense impact on me as a person, and my intellectual development.
There are few grammatical errors but the idea is very good! Maybe you can talk about how learning the language affected your life. Did you ever had to use the language outside class and how did that affect you? How did you become more intellectual? Consider these questions.
Overall, it was concise and well written (other than grammar mistakes/sentence structures) If you tweak it enough, I think it will really good!
Good luck!! :)
It answers the question well, but you you talk about the impact learning Chinese had on you more. specific example of how it changed you intellectually.
Hello,
This is a great essay! You described an unusual experience. As a native speaker of Chinese, you understand Chinese language quite well and correctly to me. :)
To make your essay better, try to link your "intellectual development" with your experience in learning Chinese. You could write about what you learn from Chinese study, and how it helps you in your development.
And if you plan to study Chinese in your future (in or out of school) and need help, I could give you a hand in your Chinese study. You may reach me by e-mail: luying9682@163.
Wish u luck in applying to Stanford! :)
Thanks again!
It is great to get an opinion from a native speaker. I will definitely try to elaborate on how Chinese helped my "intellectual development'. The only problem is that I am a the word limit, so if I was to add something I would have to first delete some of the description and I always struggle with that. Perhaps you could advise me on which parts are unnecessary or redundant.
Do you think I should keep the paragraph about poetry, or such an example could be replaced with explanation?
I didn't know you have so little space for this essay. So now, you could think about ONE main point to feature, and then use one example to support your point. The story should directly link to your point, and maybe you can cut off the explanation of Chinese language, unless you gained something from the difference. You may want to put too many things in the short essay, and it makes you difficult to clear your thoughts and fit into the word limit. Therefore, you should focus on one thing, and use details to make your essay stand out. Good luck!
Hello! You improved a lot! I like that you add more examples of yourself--it made me know more about YOU. You could tie your examples to your point more closely to make the article better! How much space do you still remain?
Interestingly, my Chinese teacher ended up telling me that he had worked in a team on a project for CERN a few years ago. I found that exciting and I guess it was one of the many factors that contributed to my growing interest in science over the years.
I think this sentence is not quite suitable to be mentioned here... I suggest that you find another place in your application to show your interest in science, and write more details in your examples(delete those abstract words and sentences and use specific ones--it'll save you a lot of space as well as improve your article!)
Good luck!
P.S. about "teacher and students": My teacher told me that single nouns could not appear without something like "the/a/an/one"... so maybe "the teacher and students"? Not very sure about that =P
Hello! Please don't say that. I am happy that my suggestions helped :) I love your essays so I would like to follow up.
As for the first two paragraphs, I think they fine. But can you make it flow more smoothly? Sometimes I feel it's abrupt somehow.
As for the last paragraph, you may add a conclusion WHAT your experience contribute to your intellectual development specifically, instead of saying
This 5 year long experience has therefore had an immense impact on me as a person and my intellectual development.
In the end though, I
conquered the difficulties of learning a foreign language and a totally different culture. Imanaged to pass the oral exam, receiv
inged an overall A for the subject, a
nd taught myself perseverance in the face of adversity. This 5 year long experience
has therefore had an immense impact on me as a person and my intellectual development.taught me what the outside world is like, and I look forward to XXXXXyou can emphasize the impact of realizing global things, or Chinese culture is a brand new thing to you, and you are ready to take the next challenge of XXX. Think of IMPACTS, and what you learn. Use specific words, instead of those grand ones.