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"Chinese students' lives" + "Math & Stats" - what I can contribute/my academic goals

kiwii 2 / 3  
Dec 5, 2010   #1
hello, here are the prompts and my essays:

The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

I can tell you how the majority of Chinese students' lives are like here and in China; or the difference of adrenaline rush from the agility of volleyball, to the before relay lightheadedness, the rush of blurring forms during a basketball game; that perfection of indulging as a piece of the orchestra; what it's like to dog-sit the most spoiled basset hounds, or just an annoyingly cute baby sister; perhaps even why anyone can even stand one more semester of calculus.

I was once part of the simple life in China years back when the commoners owned no private cars, where everyone took the overcrowded bus in the city and children from miles away walked or biked to school. As I grew, there was a first time of going to a boarding school, also the first time I didn't see my parents for a year. Then there's the embarrassment of being a new foreigner here. I was made fun of without myself understanding, didn't know how to join the others in games I've never played, and not to mention the ridiculous haircut my mother did for me. Being part of it all myself, I can also understand how the high expectations overwhelm, of being below all other students because I was still in ESL. I've gone through the stage of shyness brought on by embarrassment. Eventually, learning to involve in society as an adult, volunteering, working with the whole spectrum of ages, from babysitting and teaching preschool and elementary school kids, to socializing with grown-ups and seniors at "Antiques Roadshow" filming. Sometimes It feels like I've been through it all. Now all I have to do is become a rock star, get a gang of paparazzi on me, and my life will be complete (I'm only joking). But it still holds true for me that these experiences-whether you deem them to be plenty or not that sufficient-define my life and has taught me to walk in another's shoes and see behind their hazed eyes better than most others. Now it's at the point where I my be frustrated with family or friends but it always slips from my mind because hours later I find myself staring out the window replaying the situation from inside their mind this time, realizing what I had done wrong.

I believe understanding holds firm as the basis of relationships, something that is inevitably ever predominant in our society. hope that my presence at UW-Madison can contribute to a better understanding of the differences present in our world, bring better understanding of my own culture, and present a wider spectrum of opinions.

Tell us about your academic goals, circumstances that may have had an impact on your academic performance, and, in general, anything else you would like us to know in making an admission decision.

Of all academic subjects, math is my favorite. I have to say it's almost soothing to do math homework because in a way it's systematic, it's logical, and it always makes sense to me. I admit I am a bit of a nerd when it comes to math and computers. Luckily, I am relatively good at all things math related too. So naturally I am more inclined towards a future of mathematics, but not pure math because I am also very interested in biology and cancer research. In recent years I knew some people who were diagnosed with and died due to cancer, watching their loved ones mourn helplessly. This exposure has motivated me to pursue a field in statistics in the medical field. A recent summer internship experience working in medical statistics and bioinformatics on ovarian cancer research provided me with exposure of actual works of the field and has further encouraged me to pursue this future. As for now, my academic goal is purely to maintain the highest grade I can, and hopefully keep my 4.0 GPA through my entire high school years.

i'm not sure if my first essay's too long and my second too short. do they answer the questions well? oh, and do i need titles for these essays in general? thank you!
nikamonster 9 / 38  
Dec 5, 2010   #2
I was made fun of without my understanding
...the ridiculous haircut my mother cut for me
Now all I have to do is become a rock star, get a gang of paparazzi on me, and my life will be complete (I'm only joking). the reader can tell you're only joking.

Now it's at the point where I may be frustrated with family or friends

I've only read your first essay, and I think it deviates a bit from the prompt. You should develop the last paragraph more because the college wants to know HOW your experiences have made you who you are and WHAT you can contribute to the college because of those experiences.

You did well telling your life in China and your transition to the States, now you just have to finish by stating how those experiences have enriched and bettered you as a person.

Good luck!
ps. I relate, because I was also born in China and moved here when I was 8.
Neo_LiuSJ 2 / 2  
Dec 5, 2010   #3
hey, in the first essay, you may want to write more about HOW(the ways) you can enrich the community.
I think your second essay is a bit too short. You may want to add some anecdotes which influenced you to enrich your essay.
pursue this future career
p.s I was also from China

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