Hey guys, I feel like I am missing something. I wrote two version of this, and posted the other one in another thread
On a Saturday morning, my dad took my sister and I on probably the 100th "cultural nourishment" trip to Westlake---a historical scenery in the city of Hangzhou where I have lived for 10 years. As the beautiful yet familiar sceneries pass the window, my sister and I passionately debated in the backseats about who has the better Spotify playlist. Like a triggered bomb, my dad abruptly pulled over and scolded us sternly: "Act like who you are supposed to be and don't speak in English when you don't need to!" Looking at the solemn frown on my dad's face, I could not help to giggle because there was so much irony in this scene. Ten years ago, when we first moved to Canada, my dad practically forced me to speak in English as I stuttered with the few words I knew. But after all the laughter, my heart sunk as I pondered upon the connotation of his speech. He once genuinely hoped that I could master English, so that I could merge into the new community. Now that I have learned English and the Western culture, his fear of me alienating from my heritage emerges. Besides language spoken at home, our disagreements began to unfold regarding traditional Chinese ideologies as well. For example, he rejects to accept opinions from me that are against those of his, as he calls this "talking back", which is considered as disrespectful. As a result, I felt the need to repress some of my opinions and characters in order to fit in the Chinese community.
Confident that I would feel fully integrated in the Western community with my fluent English and familiarization with its culture, I was disappointed. Once, during a biology lecture, the arm of a skeleton model that was at least ten year old deviated from its core as the teacher pulled on a demonstration. I still remember deeply that the teacher scornfully said: "no wonder this is made in China". The teacher might have meant the remark as a light-hearted joke, as he assumed nobody would mind in a school where no one is a Chinese citizen. When facing a variety of other similar situations, I can't deny that I feel offended, as I do carry around a strong awareness of my Chinese identity. Although my Canadian identity allowed me to fit in, I felt like I lost part of my identity as well while being categorized into the Western community.
As I tried to select one distinct community that I belong to the most, it felt impossible to be my complete self when I situate myself in either of the communities. During a conversation with a friend with a similar experience, I complained about inability to fit into one community completely. He simply said: you will never be able to, because you are no longer the old you. It is not until then that I realized the underlying issue: it would be impossible to imprison myself to only one community, as the cultures that I was exposed to already changed who I am. I am no longer the six-year-old little girl who has never stepped outside of China, but a multicultural and global-minded human being. Instead of stuffing myself into one box by concealing parts of my identity, I should embrace who I am by finding a balance between both cultures as I adjust my actions in both communities. As this enlightenment came to me, I started to realize the numerous benefits of being exposed to multiple cultures, as small as understanding the jokes of both communities, and as big as being exposed to new ideas. Even as I experience some of the conflicts and differences between the two cultures, I am able to resolve most as I approach them from different perspectives, which enables me to be sensitive to cultural differences and open-minded about new approaches.
After years of struggling to identify with one community that defines me the most, I finally understood that it is not where I belong the most that defines me, but the collective influence from the two cultures and experiences that shape the person I am. This experience not only allows me to develop the curiosity to learn from novelty and differences in midst of unfamiliarity, but also gives me the ability to contribute to the diversity of any environment. As the world becomes increasingly globalized, I aim to foster dynamic exchanges of innovative and unique ideas in a pool of people with passion for diversity.
