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Essay about my choice for Econ major from my common app personal statement.


akhmadaliyev_n 1 / 1  
Sep 9, 2022   #1
Hello! It would be my joy to have my essay examined as I get ready to apply to the University of Arizona, Eller college of management. Since this is truly my first college essay, I would be grateful for any feedback you may have. I hope to be admitted with a scholarship. I want to say thank you for your comments on my essay.

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea.


What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

This prompt lit a spark in my heart about a particular historical period and its consequences on my view of the world. As a person born and raised in a post-Soviet Union country, I was always interested in the reasons for the collapse of the Soviet Union. Although the former superpower had one-sixth of the Earth's surface and massive amounts of natural resources, it failed to maintain its integrity. The consequences of the dissolution of the Soviet Union were accompanied by the collapse of the communist ideology that had reigned for more than seven decades and had long-lasting effects on its former colonies.

My grandfather was an ardent supporter of communism and the Soviet Union. He kept in his house the spirit of yesteryear: old but practical furniture, caskets, cassettes of patriotic music, red medals from the Communist Party for his upstanding services, and a portrait of Lenin in his locker. Once I asked him about the reasons for the collapse of such a mighty, from his words, state. He answered briefly and with a distraught look, "Betrayal". His answer was not enough for me as I wanted to obtain a comprehensive answer. I began studying this subject to find the true root of all the problems that led to the decline of this state. Although the failures of communism cannot be reduced to any single cause, I believe that the core of most of the problems faced by the USSR lies in its economic incompetency.

This has prompted me to study Economics and the history of its development and to understand why the Western economic model has been more successful. My first knowledge of economics came from high school lessons where I learned the basic principles of economics, such as the invisible hand of the market, supply, and demand, and unlimited wants and needs but limited resources. Next, I had to look deeper into two opposing ideologies, such as communism and capitalism. I spent countless hours at the library reading Marx's Das Kapital and Adams Smith's Wealth of Nations, watching videos on YouTube, and reading articles on the Britannica and Investopedia sites. Based on my research, the major reason for the failure of the communist economy is its planned system of economy, in which prices, income, production, etc. everything is determined centrally by the government. The primary reason why planned economies fail is the lack of information regarding market demand. The communists, sitting in Red Square in Moscow, decided what and in what quantities there should be in the markets of small Central Asian villages. This led to a surplus of less demanded products and a shortage of more demanded ones. Empty shelves in supermarkets and people forming long queues outside the stores were very common. Another problem of the command economy is the lack of incentives. While multiple producers are competing to increase their market share in the market economy, they need to produce a product that will be better than their rivals. This leads to innovation in technology for product development. There is only a public sector production monopoly in planned economies that sell their products to the entire country without any competition, which prevents innovations.

Although Uzbekistan is shifting gradually from a command economy to a more open economy based on market mechanisms, it carries many remnants of the past. Our state is in dire need of highly qualified personnel in various fields of activity, including economics and finance. So I would be very happy to study at your prestigious university, majoring in economics, to help my country overcome the vestiges of the past and become a more democratic and free-market-oriented country
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,204 4317  
Sep 10, 2022   #2
This prompt lit a spark in my heart

Let me stop you right there. The prompt cannot be the reason that you thought of something that led you challenge a belief or idea. Why? The outcome of this discussion will be inconclusive since you just thought about it now. There is no character development and sense of civic responsibility that was developed prior to the writing of this essay. It should not go back to a discussion about your choice for university major. These common app prompts demand that the applicant highlight the various facets of his personality. He should not treat prompt as something that should always circle back to supporting is course choice decision. The essay needs be rewritten.

Think about something that you would say pushed you to become a better person. An activity or experience that opened your mind to something or a topic that you did not think about before. What prompted you to react to it? How did your response prove your evolution as a person / into adulthood? The reviewer is looking for a way to discover if you already have a mature enough mindset to handle a college career. This has nothing to do with your grandfather and his experiences. It has nothing to do with what pushed you to choose this college course. This is all about what pushed you to become a better person.
OP akhmadaliyev_n 1 / 1  
Sep 10, 2022   #3
@Holt
Thank you very much for your response! I understood my mistakes. I will rewrite the essay


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