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'my choice in economics as my major' - UT Purpose Statement

guscepeda11 2 / 1  
Aug 22, 2012   #1
PROMPT:The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey.

I am in the early stages of writing ... i just posted it to see how it was going... it any help would be great... dont be afraid to sound mean.

Up until my last year in high school I always saw myself one day attending the University of Texas. I did all the things you're supposed to do if I wanted to go UT, I took advanced classes and I received mostly A's in all my class, and participated in sports. When they gave out class rankings my junior year I was so excited that I was in the top ten percent of class, which made the outlook of going to the UT more of a possibility. Soon after my first semester of my junior year all my plans were rocked with the news that we were moving to Delaware. I would have to undergo my senior year in a new school in a different state.

As you can imagine the move was not welcomed well by me, I would be moving away from all my friends and my life in Texas. The first couple months in Delaware were tough, it was everything you would expect when you move your senior year. I didn't know anyone outside my sister who was experiencing the same situation as me. It was not until I made the basketball team where I was able to get know my teammates and made friends that I started to adjust to life in Delaware. Playing basketball at my new school gave me something to look forward and gave me a since of belonging. Since I was the newest member of the varsity team I had to work harder than everyone to get playing time. While I adjusted to living in Delaware by studying for school, going to practices for basketball, and working at Best Buy that gave me the opportunity to be so busy that I forgot I had no social life whatsoever.

As my life started to get more consistent I started to once again look at my college options. The only problem was that UT was about 2,000 miles away from my house in Delaware. I always knew I wanted to dorm in college but I never wanted to be that far away from my family. There was no way I could go back to Texas when my family was in turmoil. My parents had just separated and my sister had dropped out of high school. So when it came time to apply for schools I decided to not apply to Texas. I couldn't move away thousands of miles from my family when my family was going through tough times. I then decided to attend St. John's University which was two hours away from my family. After a year of attending St. John's and enjoying everything the school offered me, I still aspired to attend The University of Texas.

My stay at St. John's reassured my choice in economics as my major. I think this is the right moment to get back to my previous plans and swing for the fences. As an economics major I believe the University of Texas is the best school that can give me the tools to prepare myself for the future.

Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Aug 27, 2012   #2
I did all the things you're supposed to do if I wanted to go UT, I took advanced classes and I received mostly A's in all my class, and participated in sports.

^You use the pronoun 'youre'. Are you referring to me? Also, whats the deal with the two clauses being seperated by a coma?

Also, it reads far too informally, as if you were posting in a blog that no no one would bother reading.
I also dont get how you suddenly stil 'aspired to attend the University of Texas' when you didnt want to be thousands of mile from your family.
Doom 13 / 37 2  
Aug 27, 2012   #3
I respectfully disagree with the above poster. The fact you are so candid in your writing reflects your character. however, you must start writing how this has personally affected you. How you were changed as a person. You are telling too much of a story and not enough about how you are impacted by it.

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