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"The choices you make" -UC essay prompt #1

birdslapper 2 / 2  
Nov 28, 2009   #1
Can you guys check for grammar errors since I am completely and utterly terrible at that, and tell what you think and what this essay tells you about me. plz and thank you :)

UC essay prompt #1-Describe the world around you and how it shapes your dreams and aspirations

It is inevitable that an individual must start to assume his role in decision making of his own life. Usually this person begins this ideal of independence when he reaches the dedicated age of adulthood; I had to start before that. Here I am, a sixteen year-old living as an adult managing his own life.

All of a sudden my dad says "I am moving in a week to Boston. It is your choice whether to stay here and rent an apartment or come with me." I chuckled a bit and realized "Wait Dad, your serious". I had to decide whether I wanted to leave everything I had behind and start anew in Boston or continue with my current life but having my family taken out of the picture. After a bunch of tears and many goodbyes I chose to remain here in California. I scouted for an apartment that was affordable and close to school, but there were always certain aspects that were essential to a good apartment that I neglected. The surroundings of an apartment, whether they were tranquil or raucous, the heating and air conditioning utilities were functional and if it had working appliances.

Living on your own came with a lot of responsibility, you had to fix your own meals, do your own laundry and pay the bills. I was spoiled in the sense that my parents would take care of my needs and mistakes, they were my fall back. It was total independence a concept foreign me. In my apartment the toilet was running water so the flush lever wouldn't work. Usually my parents would solve this issue and call up a technician or my Dad would fix it. Unfortunately, it was the weekend and bathroom technicians are expensive, so hiring a plumber was out of the question. Normally, I wouldn't attempt an action of fixing a toilet without prior knowledge, but it had to be done. Despite the bleakness of the situation, I decided to take the challenge rather than play the waiting game. I removed the top of cover of the toilet and observed how the mechanism functioned while messing around with the various components. After many flicking of switches, and turning of screws and knobs I discovered the correct one and the luxury of hearing my toilet flush again. I had an epiphany, a realization that my only reliance was myself. I had to be responsible; I was liable for each of my actions and it was up to me to resolve them.

I had my dream of living as an engineer. It was the mechanics of how various things worked and I could improve on them. Being independent and away from my home propelled me forward to seeing that engineers need to rely on their own knowledge to find a solution to their predicaments. They have to make their choice and live with the consequences. Here I am a seventeen-year old living as an adult, paving his own road to achieve his destination.
darkzadez 2 / 2  
Nov 28, 2009   #2
"Wait Dad, you're serious"

Your specifies ownership, you're expands to "you are". Try not to use contractions in your UC app, but I guess it would be fine inside of a quote.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 30, 2009   #3
Don't keep telling yourself you are bad at grammar, or your subconscious mind might start to believe it! If you read a lot of books, you'll start to think in excellent sentences. It's easy to get in the habit of using powerful English.

..living as an adult and managing his own life.

I chuckled a bit and realized: "Wait Dad, your serious."

Living on my own came with a lot of responsibility; I had to...

Great ending! I guess your Dad has some deep wisdom about life; you are lucky!

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