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"the choices that the people could have taken to avoid the disaster" - issues


ragonblake 2 / 3  
Nov 21, 2010   #1
Hello, well i would like to know if my essay is about the topic, and if you can I would like to see feedbacks like how to improve it and I know it will have misspeling. Thank you.

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Many people take choices in their life that end with a good or bad outcomes. Referring this at the time where the great depression begun. It started by the wrong decisions of the governors and big business took, letting suffering to most of the families that lived at that moment.

After I have studied that part of U.S history, I can relate it with the present that we living right now. it is not greatly like what happened before but it can turns like that if the people charged on the economy continue no taking the right decisions, and being selfish, lying on people that believe them and administering the wealth fairly enough. These factors are important and we have to avoid them in this present. Now back in the U.S history, one example of being late at taking decisions, can be the president Hoover who actually tried to fight the depression, but it was too little and too late by the time he did so. Fortunately, another person, who with determination and human kind, called Roosevelt became the president of U.S. He did everything he could do by doing programs with a hope of fix the economy. even though, he got critics and spending all the money and be in deficit spending, sometime that I actually saw on him was that he did not stayed with the hand crossed and keeping the money of all the people without invest it. Indeed, of what he tried, he finally improved the economy where thanks to the right choices he took on the right time, we still living good and some programs from that time are among us and benefiting us, like the social security.

This issue have a significance to me because by not taking the right decisions on time, it will affect everybody including my family, because of that, they have been stressed out where the prices on food, and other items are going up, and the fear of to be unemployed and no get paid fairly enough. As result of the late decision of the people charged to resolve the economy that are no enough and the big business keeping the money and not investing it, at resume most of the money is not being circulated and is stagnant without being invest and reactivate the economy an affecting the population, including families and the new generation.

Finally, what I want to explain about the significance of this issue, is that the people in this world need to start taking the right decision on time with not taking advantage from others. Letting a hope of change for the families, for good and less suffering
smiley001 2 / 5  
Nov 21, 2010   #2
Confusing.
Elaborate more on the idea of how this issue (which after one read I did not identify) affects "yourself, your family, your community, or your generation."

Back on time, I could easily see in the history books the choices that the people could have taken to avoid the disaster that happened to them at that specific time, like the great depression. Related to what we kind of living, it may happens again if we do not take the right choices. Consider order of words.

after second read, I think you refer to the choices that gov't officials make and their impact society, is that correct?
OP ragonblake 2 / 3  
Nov 21, 2010   #3
Yes, it is about that.
OP ragonblake 2 / 3  
Nov 22, 2010   #4
Hi, I changed some sentences and tried to explain it more easily, but i am not still sure if it is enough.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 29, 2010   #5
There is no period at the end of the essay, but maybe you just did not paste it in here...but actually it seems like the last line is missing...

Many people take make choices in their life that end with a good or bad outcomes. ---I think this is a bad first sentence for the essay, because it is not meaningful. Everyone makes choices that have good or bad outcomes.

Referring this at the time where the great depression begun. It started by the Here is a good way to start the essay:
Wrong decisions by people in government and big business caused the Great Depression, which involved the suffering of most of the families that lived at that time. moment .

...and human kindness, called Roosevelt, became the president of U.S. He did everything he could do by doing programs with a hope of fix the economy. even though Nevertheless, he got criticism for spending all the money and be in deficit spending, and sometimes that I actually saw on him was that he did not stayed with the hand crossed and keeping the money of all the people without invest it (Sometimes he did what? This sentence is confusing...)

I think you should add a sentence to the first paragraph and the last paragraph. That will help you to express the main theme, the message of the essay. The first and last paragraph of the essay should express the same main idea... can you express the idea of the essay in a single sentence in the first paragraph?

:-)


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