'Choir has opened door for me' - Rice supplement essay

this is the end of my essay, please read and critique! tell me if the whole "a girl" thing at the end id weird. please and thank you!

A. The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.)

Choir has opened door for me that I never dreamed were possible. Choir has given me the confidence I need to accept myself and succeed in my everyday life. I can now easily talk to people, give speeches and sing in front of large audiences. My self-confidence has given me the strength to implement change as well. I am no longer the girl that stands in the corner waiting for someone else to make changes, I make them myself. I am now a devoted environmentalist. I try every day to recycle and educate others about the importance of the environment. I take environmental classes as well to further educate myself on the human impact on the world. I want to make the world a better place, and with my self-confidence I can.

My presence at Rice will contribute a girl who has the confidence to take chances; a girl who can add ethnic diversity by bridging America's modern, fast-paced culture with my own Vietnamese culture. I can make Rice more environmentally educated. I can offer Rice a girl who can face adversity. I have seen my father almost die from cancer. I have taken care of my little sister when my parents could not themselves. I know what it takes to be tough. I can offer Rice a student who is ready to implement change and defeat any challenges. My confidence and past experiences shaped me into the person I am today. And I believe I fit perfectly with Rice.

"strength to implement changes "

The next sentence: maybe try something like "I now take initiatives rather than wait for changes to happen." ?

That a girl thing is quite awkward indeed. Is there a reason you need to emphasize your gender?

I like the overall topic but the essay definitely needs to be longer. I suggest expanding more on your experience in Choir or even talk about your father's fight with cancer and how you took care of the family in your parent's absence.