So I have like 3 supplement prompts that are asking me to evaluate on an extra curricular activity and explain why i do it. I wrote out two similar essays but can't decide which to choose? Any advice and criticism on the essays is appreciated
Essay 1:
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Essay 2:
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I also wrote a longer more detailed essay for Vandy that further explains my activity and why i do it. It has aspects form both these essays
Essay 3: The words flow flawlessly from my mouth. The transition between English and Spanish is natural, smooth, and uncanny. I know I should be used to it, I mean I've done since I was 6, but it's still strange to me how I am able to repeat in Spanish what I hear in English. What doesn't surprise me though is the facial expressions: the bewilderment on one person as I translate for the other almost like I know a secret that they want to understand, the look of clarity that is created as I destroy the language barrier between the group, and more importantly the look of satisfaction found on everyone's face once it's all over. We live in a world that takes communication for granted; things like talking to your doctor or filling an application seem simple, but to some it's an impossible hurdle to jump. When I translate I make their hurdle smaller. I create a bridge so that two different people can have a meaningful and important conversation. I translate because I love seeing the look of excitement on a stranger after they get a job, or the tears that form on a mother's face when I explain to her the teacher's praises towards her son. It doesn't matter to me whether I translate for a job interview or a meeting with an attorney, because in the end I still get the same amazing facial expressions. When I translate I make a difference in my community, and that is what matters to me.
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How is translation a part of your extracurricular activities? Is it a volunteering experience or a job?
Can you help with my common app essay. I was different because I had a sister.
The writing is slightly weak across all three, but I most definitely like the third the most. To improve, I would recommend:
1) "I mean I've done since I was 6" --> "having done it since the age of 6" (i think you can replace 'age of 6' with childhood, though that's your call)
2) second use of "facial expressions" --> "responses"
Ultimately, I like the third the most, but I'd work on fixing some of the fluidity/redundancy.
Just becareful with your tone, it may come across as a bit braggy in your earlier versions, I like the final revision you've made thus far...and I think you need to come out forthright and say what exactly your extracurricular activity is explicitly just so that the adcoms understand where you're coming from
I like your third essay, what you do is very kind and endearing :) But I think you should clarify that you run a volunteer translating service, I was kind of confused as to what your extracurricular activity was. I know it was something to do with translating but I didn't know if you were in a club, or was a volunteer, etc.
