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'I chose to become an exchange student' University of Michigan - Describe a community


zhahaoyu 1 / 1  
Oct 25, 2011   #1
Hey guys. Deadlines for early action are approaching and i have just finished the rough draft of this michigan supplement. i know it is kinda late but i would really appreciate if anybody can give me some feedback, comments to help me refine this essay. Thanks a lot.

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

I belong to a community of people with international visions that transcend the boundary of cultures, religions and ethnicity. I grow up at a globalizing era, enjoying the convenience brought into our lives. I use electronics designed in America, manufactured in Japan and assembled in China. It is no more a world separated by mountains, rives or oceans. The world is more interdependent than ever. We also see the misunderstanding and prejudice that create a barrel in the political, economic and spiritual world, baffling the mutual development of the world. We are willing to devote our lives into bringing communication and cooperation between country and country.

In this community, I am merely a member who shares a common pursuit. As a Chinese, I chose to become an exchange student in the U.S. to experience a different world. I learned the history, religion and values from people around me and realized the concept of family, humor, and kindness exist in both cultures. An understanding was built based on commonalities, and differences became acceptable. My foreign friends and I were able to communicate effectively in an understanding condition. This brought a bridge connecting the commons and accepting the different.

I believe the college education will open a door of better understanding cultures, and I will continue moving towards my goal.

Haoyu Zha

sarahadams 11 / 22  
Oct 26, 2011   #2
writing an essay about you should not start with the word "I" so lets try this- being apart of a community that's filled with international visions that transcend the boundary of cultures, religions and ethnicity instead of I belong to a community of people with international visions that transcend the boundary of cultures, religions and ethnicity.

this is an great essay and the only thing you should do is try not to use "I" a lot.
OP zhahaoyu 1 / 1  
Oct 28, 2011   #3
thanks a lot for the suggestion.


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