prompt : Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
hey, all people out there. here is my common app essay. please review this and tell me if it captures your interest or does it appear like another applicant cribbing about his life. also , please give me cliche "alerts". i really need them. any help will be appreciated.
What I shouldn't have done or should have?
It seems like a fire, burning away my insides in a raging inferno of emotions. Although the memory of that incident is two years old, yet it is as alive as I am. It still rings in my ears as clear as my own voice, runs on my skin as lively as electricity. Each detail flashes past my eyes in crystal clear view. A decision was taken that day, one that I still question. It was the beginning of junior year. After an adventurous summer, I was ready for school. I was excited - firstly, we were going to study the subjects we wanted exclusively and secondly, I was elected as President of Student Council for the year. I knew the latter position would be challenging, demanding and I would have to endure many turbulences. I had responsibilities to take care of but as such the first month passed on uneventful. But I wasn't ready for what was to come. I was to face a moral dilemma - one that involved my best friend and my most beloved teacher.
It all happened in September, just after the completion of our midyear examinations. My friend scored quite low, much below what he expected. Going through his answer sheets, he found some irregularities in checking, some which could have made him score better had they not been there. So in a fit of anger, he approached the teacher, who happens to be my favorite one, and abused her using extremely strong words. The anger could have made him go physical, had I and some of the other students not interfered. He was put in detention for some time, the time when I was also caged - inside a prison made out of responsibility towards my position, friendship towards my friend and respect towards my teacher. Our school policy required decision for suspending a student be made in a joint session with veto power given to three people - the principal, the head counselor and the student president. The session had many debates - discussing extent of his misconduct, and the other two veto votes negated each other. So it all boiled down to me. I had the power to save or destroy my friend's life and I was perplexed. It made me dizzy. That was the day I truly realized what being a leader means.
I had to take a difficult decision. I had to choose between what was right and what was right thing to do. I chose the right thing. I chose to destroy my best friend's life. I chose my responsibility, I chose my teacher and I was broke to do that. But I didn't regret, for I knew if I hadn't taken that decision, I would have done injustice to my teacher. Yes, he too had done fault but he didn't deserve what he got. The matter could have been solved in a calm manner, yet my friend chose to do it in an offensive way. I could have saved him from the defamation he received, but it would have eaten on my conscience more that it does now. It may not be a great ethical dilemma for many, but for me it had been a life altering lesson. It had taught me that leading is not an easy task, the person who leads is the one who had to endure the greatest perils. He had to make decisions, ones which may make him a villain for some but which are beneficial for whole community. With power comes great responsibility - I have heard that quote a lot but this incident made me understand its true meaning. Each night before I go to sleep, I ask myself one question: Was there any better way to deal with that situation? Till now, the answer is no.
the essay is really good. but there's something that bugs me. im not quite sure if i understand what you mean by what was right and the right thing to do. they seem parallel to me. and i encounter a little bit of hyperbole which is the exaggeration of your speech. you arent really destroying his life. i think its nice you use strong words, but this just seems to extreme. i would suggest you use something like betrayal and still give portray the harsh feeling as before if you can do so.
also the last sentence, you say the answer is no. but the reader might think there was a better way. so i think you would benefit if you say "till now, MY answer is no"because that is your opinion.
in the last paragraph, it should be "eaten on my conscience more than it does now."
i hope ive helped. :)
This is an incredible essay. It definitely shows colleges that you're capable of making the right decision rather than an easy one, and that you understand what it means to be a leader. But I agree with the previous poster, you didn't really destroy his life, but maybe you can say that you betrayed him, that you were disloyal, or, of course, that you stuck a knife in his back, if you want to convey the hard choice you had to make.
