Just starting the intro and the thesis. The teacher gave us topics and I chose,Why I chose to major in Nursing. The audience is adults. I just need to know if the intro and the red font thesis sounds good enough or am I way off?? Thanks for any input:)
Twenty years after high school, now I know what I want to be when I grow up. A nurse!
After high school I married into the military which moved us around alot. I managed to get schooling and job placement as a dental assistant. Rewarding as a career as that is I knew there was always something more,something better. With a better late than never attitude I have decided to peruse my degree in Nursing.
Though I find the opening line intriguing and a sound thesis with evidence to support it, various spelling and syntactical errors distract from the message greatly. High school should be separated into two words. Something should have an "e" and pursue should be spelled with a "u". Also, I don't believe it is necessary to capitalize nursing.
The "Rewarding as a career as that is" line is a bit awkward. I would try something like, "Though this career was extremely rewarding, I have longed for an even more fulfilling profession."
The last line, too, I think should be rewritten. If you were to leave it as it is, you should hyphenate the "better-late-than-never" phrase. I think this would look strange, so I would rewrite the entire sentence to get rid of it.
Hope that this helps!
u should put a space between high and school
high school is not one word:)
Twenty years after high school, I finally know what I want to be when I grow up: A nurse!
After high school I married into the military, which moved us around a lot. I managed to get schooling and job placement as a dental assistant.
peruse pursue
Thank you so much!! Apparently I need to invest in a better spell check for my computer:)
Nope, it's because peruse is a real word! That's why essayforu is important. Spell checkers can't catch errors when they happen to be real words.
:-)
