Please let me know what you do no like about this essay, and what i could do to make it better. Be critical. All feedback greatly appreciated!
Prompt:
Members of the Caltech community live, learn, and work within an Honor System with one simple guideline; "No member shall take unfair advantage of any other member of the Caltech community." While seemingly simple, questions of ethics, honesty, and integrity are sometimes challenging. Share an ethical dilemma that challenged you. How did you respond? Your response is not limited to academic situations.
When I first read CalTech's essay prompt about the ethical dilemma, I was stumped. I rummaged through my high school memories, but nothing significant jumped out at me. Of course, there have been minor problems for me here and there, but I had nothing unique to offer the readers. After hours of surfing the web and hitting dead ends, I became tempted to make up my own moral dilemma. After all, the readers could not possibly fact check every single applicant's story for every single essay. I knew that a distinctive essay is essential for acceptance to CalTech, and I knew I had nothing more unique to offer the reader than the guy next door. However, I knew that lying in general is a very bad habit, one that I had experienced myself when I was much younger, and one that I had grown out of. On top of that, I knew I could be denied admission simply because I did not tell the truth on this one essay, and I did not want that kind of reputation. For a while, two sides of me conflicted with each other about what to do. In the end, I chose to tell the truth, because as we all know, the truth sets us free. While I know that this essay may not be the most unique or most intriguing for the admissions council, I can now rest peacefully knowing that I never told a lie on any of my applications.
Thanks!
Interesting...
It's pretty risky to say "I almost lied to you, but I didn't." For some reason I feel like they wouldn't welcome the idea that there's absolutely no way for them to fact check all the applications, that's almost a little insulting. I'm not sure, but in my opinion it's pretty risky to even suggest that you almost took advantage of them
It's written decently, no glaring errors. However, if you can think of an ethical dilemma in which you were a mediator, that would be ideal. I know it's hard to think of one, but situations in which you stepped up to set an ethical-wrong right or cases in which you were a mediator are more preferable than "I considered cheating to get into your school."
I don't mean to be harsh, I'm just saying it's pretty darn risky
