"For Christ and His Kingdom"; Wheaton Supp/ Why Wheaton?

Give my two essays some comments please, especially about their grammar mistakes and ideas. Deadline is coming so fast T_T. Thank you all a lot ^^.

Please tell us why you are interested in Wheaton (Characters available 1000):

"For Christ and His Kingdom" - This expression caught my eye at first sight although I am not Christian nor am I religious. Personally, I have always believed in "a God somewhere". Despite not even knowing his name, that belief is itself a great power to me, which has given me helpfulness towards anyone in need, confidence when talking exams, and honesty in every word I say. Belief drives my life with its own rules which are even more powerful that disciplines and laws. It teaches me things that even the best-sellers cannot tell. And that is why Wheaton's coordination between religion and education is amazing to me.

At Wheaton, there is not a concept of the conflicts between science and spiritualness considering its perfect Mathematics and Chemistry courses. With a commitment to building the church and improving society world-wide, the massive international opportunities and the best campus food in the USA, Wheaton is the place where I really want to be in my coming unforgettable years.

Optional Essay
Discuss briefly an area of academic interest or a contemporary issue you hope to explore in college. Why is this of interest to you? (Characters available 1200)

Months ago, a schoolmate of mine collapsed from a serious fever. Due to the lack of doctor's advices, she was not brought to the hospital until worrisome symptoms like convulsions and delirium started to appear. However, that fever would not have been fatal if her family was not poor. The treatment to the girl was delayed for hours before consequently lasting for two months without any positive result. And since one week ago, a girl who should now be going to school has begun her vegetable existence at the age of seventeen.

The tragic ending of such a story has strengthened my desire to become a great physician in the future. If finding out a treatment for cancer is the dream of many medical students, doctors and scientists, I am more interested in another direction: to produce cheaper drugs and treatments. All over the world, in my home country or in Africa, in USA or in Haiti, health care is out of reach for many people. And day by day, those people are undeservedly losing their lives to ordinary diseases. To my belief, although reducing the price of an aspirin bottle from 6$ to 3$ may not bring me a Nobel prize, it would bring many people all over the world another chance, to live.

Anyone??? Please T_T

add a comma in between


the period is unnecessary, try a comma


amazing doesn't sound right. try "caught my eye"?


huh? um try "there aren't conflicts"?


isn't the church already there, if not then ignore this. "improving the church and society world-wide"


way too wordy. um try "world-wide, I know Wheaton , a college known for its opportunities and outstanding food, is where I need to be"

read mind :D

First off, I am also applying to Wheaton College in MA. I have yet to read your entire response but I notice your mention about Christianity and religion. Having read your prompt, I can tell that it is the prompt for Wheaton College in Massachusetts. I am forced to think that you have done most of your research about the Wheaton College in IL which is highly catholic-religious. Let me know if I am wrong. Is your essay for Wheaton in IL or in MA? This is highly important.

Oh My God, damn it, a big mistake... I have sent my supplement already, what can I do now?

Oooh... Ok. I'm not sure how to put this but I visited Wheaton-MA and they specifically caution students not to make this grave mistake; this does not interpret well. This is more than misspelling a word and since this is basically important because its the "Why Wheaton" question, I assume this is a negative to your application. As far as making changes on the common app, you cannot do anything. That leaves you with dealing with Wheaton college directly. Some mistakes colleges will brush over, but this is not that type of mistake, so you have to call the admissions office and try to redeem yourself, but I cant imagine what that will look like. The app deadline is still two weeks away-Jan 15-That gives some time for possible changes.

I can only hope that Wheaton was not in your top schools- How important was the school to you?

Just to lighten the moment you're not the first to make this mistake. Even public figures have made this mistake as you can see from this link. huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/25/ann-curry-mortified-over-_n_588956.html.

Well, it is not my top choice but I'm not happy with this confusion. I think I will send them an email and explain the situation T_T.