education within a distinctly Christian academic community
Prompt- Please describe in 500 words or fewer why you are interested in continuing your educational journey within a distinctly Christian academic community.
Personally, I want to attend a Christian university to not only further my education but to grow in my own faith as well. I've grown up in a Catholic household and have attended church for most of my life. In middle school, I made my own personal decision to follow Jesus after attending a Christian Summer Camp at Hume Lake. Because of this decision, I have grown so much as a person and strengthened my relationship with God. I attribute most of my own personal religious growth to the support and relationships I've made with the girls and leaders in my youth group. My youth group has supported me through all of the hardships and challenges I've faced in both middle school and high school. We've also have had numerous amazing and fun experiences together at church, school, and at summer camps. All of my youth group leaders have also been amazing role models. Each of them has helped me deepen my faith through Bible studies, discussions, and through personal one on one conversations. When I attend college, I hope to go to school in a community with a positive environment. I hope I will be able to find a new group of friends and that we will be able to grow in our religion and experience college together.
Elizabeth, I believe that this essay is well written but can still be improved. For starters, rather than saying "Because of this decision", take a strong ownership in the statement by instead saying "My decision helped me to grow as a person..." There is a sense of seriousness to the latter presentation that makes it more academic in tone than starting the sentence with a connecting word which, as you know, is grammatically incorrect.
Next, mention your desire to find a new group of religious friends before you tell the reviewer about your youth group. That way the topic sentence comes before the verb / action explanation. In addition to this reason, you may want to add an academic aspect to your decision since there is a clear reference to a "Christian academic community" in the prompt. What made you decide that you would benefit from this type of community? Is it because you plan to enter a convent after graduation in order to dedicate your life to God? Explanations such as these are of an important nature to this prompt..
Don't keep it short, write 500 words in this instance. The long form of the essay will allow you to better explain the benefits and intentions you have for studying in a Christian setting.