Prompt reiteration (most of you probably remember this by heart now, haha): Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I still vividly recall mornings that began with singing hymns and lunch breaks when it was imperative that we first said grace. Aside from usual subjects like English and math, I studied the Bible. But while the other students were attending church on Sunday, I was going to the Buddhist temple school on Saturday.
Before my parents transferred me to the public school system, for my first three years of education I attended a Christian private school. Conversations were awkward whenever someone noticed my necklace, which depicted an image of the Buddha. No, I did not pray before going to bed, nor did I say grace with my family during meals. Most of the time, this short and succinct reply to queries quickly ended the discussion. One time, however, a girl refused to let the topic die, demanded that I convert, else I not go to heaven, and asked God to "forgive me for my sins".
Having been introduced to prejudice, I realized that there were probably others in the world with such an opinion and was consequently motivated to avoid becoming such a person. Concluding that such a characteristic was often rooted in misinformation and ignorance, I vowed to keep an open mind. Thus, I have come to avoid forming opinions based solely on what I am told by others and prefer relying on my own hands-on experiences and observations. I have grown fond of experimentation and trying new things. These experiences have often yielded valuable skills in addition to expanding my perspective on life.
For instance, rather than dismiss a culinary arts regional occupations program as something for people who did not expect to get into college, as others at my school did, I was one of three to sign up. My participation in the course has taught me that it is nothing of the sort. They have given me skills that I could apply to real life, not all of them necessarily pertaining specifically to cooking; I have, for instance, honed problem solving skills in learning to improvise when a recipe takes a turn for the worse.
The discomforting feelings of alienation that I faced as a child attending a Christian private in spite of Buddhist faith opened my eyes to the prejudice which weaves itself into the world. As a result, I continue to aim towards becoming a member of society whose bias-if any-was based on personal experience rather than preconceived notions as influenced by others. The new things I try as I strive towards creating my own opinions on them have even surprised me with their own lessons to be learned.
Notes:I feel like I need a lot of help with my transitions (most notably is probably from the third last paragaph to the second last one). I was trying to explain the culinary class was an example of how I liked to try things out, which stemmed from the motivation to expand my horizons, which was inspired(?) by my time at the private school.
first sentence grammar is off. that paragraph is somewhat strange too. aside from...I studied the Bible...by yourself? in class?
I have grown fond of experimentation and trying new things.
tell more about how before ending the paragraph. try making each paragraph have a central topic that flows better. Your first sentences of each paragraph are long winded btw. keep tense consistent > when a recipe took a turn...
I don't see much in your essay about how you make your own conclusions from experience. about that cooking experience, make a topic sentence along the lines of, While many would consider culinary arts non-consequential for college, my decision to register for a program (gave me/taught me) ___. as for a transition from the previous paragraph, I'm not sure if this^ will help.
Comments: your world, your experience, your unwillingness to accept for truth what others tell you to accept but want firsthand knowledge, that's all good I guess. However, keep it focused? and mention/show how this affects your dream/aspirations...also, I'm still confused about the Christian/Buddhist inferences...maybe focus more on the not-wanting-to-be-biased aspect and go from there.
Good luck with your app!
