Hello, I need help on answering college application questions. English is not my mother language, so I really need help in wording. Could you comment on the contents of this answer and correct my grammar mistakes? I really really appreciate your time and your help!!!!!! If you need my opinions on your essays, I would be happy to help!
Thanks a lot!! :D
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Who is someone you admire? What do you value in this person?
Of all the people I know, I admire Christine, a friend of my family, the most.
Christine is strong and optimistic. She is a single mother who married twice, having two daughters, whose ages differ by 10 years. Yet her second husband left her when her younger daughter was still in kindergarten. Since her parents lived with her, she had to support a family of five on her own. She must have a hard life without a man to share the responsibility of family with her. Other women would have broken down, being addicted to alcohol or drugs, yet Christine never complained. Despite great hardship, she managed to make a happy family and be both a dutiful daughter and a patient mother. To her, life is always sunny, and she simply accepted difficulties and overcame them, never giving up. In Christine, I saw the power of the strength in heart that can motivate a person to live in an optimistic way and overcome all difficulties.
Christine has her own pursuits. Intending to be a lawyer when she finished college, she entered an office as a clerk due to the social environment and the immature law system in the nation at that time, but she maintained her passion for law and politics. She is concerned about current affairs, just as men do. She reads books on different subjects, especially those on law, trying to catch up with the development of the world. She never put down her dream, yet made her dream come true in another way. I admire her persistence in dreams, and I knew that one does not have to reach a goal in a realistic way, but to satisfy his/her own desire.
Christine is eager to learn. Though born in 1960s, she learnt to use electronic devices such as the computer, while people at her age, or even younger, are not willing to learn these modern skills. What impressed me the most, she did all these just to fulfill her life, but not for job promotion as other people who did these for. Her story told me that one is never too old to learn, and that studying is not a means to gain other goals, but studying itself is a goal.
I admire Christine for her inner-strength, optimism and her willingness to study new things. She proved that women should not be weak and subservient, neither to men nor to life and showed me what an independent modern woman should be like.
"...at the nation by the time..."
"...she did all these not for job promotion as other people do, but to fullfill her life."
"..her inner-strength, optimism, and willingness.."
hope this helps!
really good..just a few suggestions
alcohol or drugs, yet Christine never broke down
younger, were not willing to learn these modern skills
I admire her persistence in dreams, and I have now realized that one does not have to reach a goal in a
please describe about What do you value in this person? rather than describing the person.it is a nice one.
Thanks sebastiann436 and mcbossman!!!!!!!!! You helped a lot!! Is there anything about the contents that I need to improve on?
Hi luying!
Yet her second husband left her when her younger daughter was still in kindergarten.
You don't really need this sentence since you already said she's a single mother.
To her, life is always sunny, and she simply accepted difficulties and overcame them , never giving up.
Maybe get rid of "accepted difficulties" and elaborate more on a specific difficulty she overcame?
She is concerned about current affairs, just as men are do.
She never put down her dream, yet made her dream come true in another way.
^How did she make her dream come true in another way?
I admire her persistence in dreams, and I knew that one does not have to reach a goal in a realistic way, but to satisfy one's his/herown desire.
The only other critique I have is that it seems like you bring up too many issues for discussion- try to focus on one or two traits but give more explanation/what you learned from her? It seems good otherwise! :)
Thank you Keroro! I have been busy at school for the exams and did not come up here so I just saw your reply today. Though the deadline is over, I thank your help truly!
If you don't mind,I would like to stay contact with you, and discuss about essays and more. Would you like to be my penfriend? My e-mail is luying9682@163 So please send me a letter if your answer is "yes". Otherwise, just ignore me. :)
Wish you a happy holiday and a happy new year.
