This is the first half of my essay. So far is it okay. I feel like it lacks description but it's sort of hard to describe a situation you've never been in.
Dear Mr Chu.
You always read me a bedtime story. So, I fell asleep in a warm bed dreaming about being Cinderella at the ball.
You spoke in a caring voice to me. So, I remember that voice soothing me and lulling me to a sense of safety whenever I was scared.
You vowed that you'd be there for me. So, I was glad that you'd be there to support and care for me in the future.
You selflessly gave up your drinking habits for my well being. So, I promised I would never drink because I didn't' want to disappoint you.
You smiled and said "Great Job!" whenever accomplished something. So, I grew up to be a confident and outgoing person because I you made me appreciate my talents when no one else would.
You said you cared about my future and my education. So, I felt proud that you would take such painstaking measures to save for my education and for my dreams.
You always gave me a hug or pat on the head whenever I saw you. So, I knew you loved me and that I was your precious daughter.
You were the best father anyone could ever have.
No.
You were the father I wished I could have.
lulling me to safety
glad that you'd be there to support and care for me in the future.
^^^awkward
whenever I accomplished
because I you
i also dont get what you mean about describing the situation youve never been in.
whats the topic for this one?
and it flowed nicely just change some of the awkward parts mentioned above ^
Topic - Any topic of your choice (It's a letter instead of an essay so I chose this one)
A Letter to Mr. Chu.
Dear Mr Chu.
You always read me a bedtime story. So, I fell asleep in a warm bed dreaming about being Cinderella at the ball.
You spoke in a caring voice to me. So, I remember that voice soothing me and lulling me to a sense of safety whenever I was scared.
You vowed that you'd be there for me and the family. So, I felt glad, knowing that you needed us.
You selflessly gave up your drinking habits for my well being. So, I promised I would never drink because I didn't' want to disappoint you.
You smiled and said "Great Job!" whenever I accomplished something. So, I grew up to be a confident and outgoing person because you made me appreciate my talents when no one else would.
You said you cared about my future and my education. So, I felt proud that you would take such painstaking measures to save for my education and for my dreams.
You always gave me a hug or pat on the head whenever I saw you. So, I knew you loved me and that I was your precious daughter.
You were the best father anyone could ever have.
No.
You were the father I wished I could have.
You only came home once a week. So, I read my own bedtime stories and fell asleep with Cinderella, Goldilocks, and Humpty Dumpty keeping me company.
You argued with Mom and yelling seemed like all you can do in front of me. So, I promised to never put anyone I loved through that and learned to control my voice and actions for the better of others.
You always ranted about how you would leave us and return to Taiwan. So, I made sure that I'll become someone who can support Mom because she sacrificed for me, cherished me and showed me that she needed me unlike you.
You would come home with the stench of alcohol on you muttering obscenities. So, I vowed to myself that I would never make a fool out of myself like you did. I swore to live a clean life, no drugs, alcohol, crimes, and rudeness for me.
You could only criticize and blame me when something went wrong. So, I grew up to be shy and cold, afraid to be hurt by others. But, thanks to my great friends, my caring family and my own determination, my cold stature is slowly fading away.
You said you wished my brother and I were never born, that you didn't care about us. So, I ignored your hateful words because I knew that although you didn't care about me, that my family, friends and someone out there in the future loved me.
This was the father you were and this is the father you are trying to be. But it's much too late now. I shun your attempts to be nice, kind and caring because I've already seen what type of person you are. I remember each tear I cried, each heartache I had, and each harsh criticism I had to accept.
Finally, I remember when you would pour every dollar into your niece's education but not one penny into your own daughter's. So, I studied, worked hours towards my education, fought to be at the top of class to show you just how great of a daughter I can be. Mr. Chu, Dad, while you were never he father I wished for, there is one thing you have done for me that I'll never regret. You made me stronger and more independent. And I'll prove it to you by writing this essay, getting into college and graduate a successful and educated individual.
Here's the final draft. Are there any grammar errors? What do you think about the overall essay.
I was confused about this sentence because the next sentence says that he is "trying to be nice"This was the father you were and this is the father you are trying to be. I shun your attempts to be nice, kind and caring because I've already seen what type of person you are.
Finally, I remember when you poured every dollar into your niece's education but not one penny into your own daughter's.
Mr. Chu, Dad, while you were never the father I wished for, there is one thing you have done for me that I'll never regret . You can't "regret" something that someone else did. You can only regret something you did.
It really grabbed my attention. Good Luck!
Eh. The premise is solid and I like your stylistic choices, but it get's a little tedious reading the "You were...So I..." format twenty times in a row. I'd suggest removing some of the parts where you linger on the mistrust and negative feelings you have about your dad; keep the overarching positive tone, and just keep stressing how this entire ordeal made you into a stronger, better person. Also, I don't really like you breaking the 4th wall in the last sentence.
What's the/a 4th wall? Can you suggest where I should add things to make it sound like I've become a better person. I want to keep the You...So, I format because it makes it easier for me to write. Stylistic and creative/emotional writing isn't my forte. I need some sort of organization.
A Letter to Mr. Chu.
Dear Mr Chu.
You always read me a bedtime story. So, I fell asleep in a warm bed dreaming about being Cinderella at the ball.
You spoke in a caring voice to me. So, I remember that voice soothing me and lulling me to a sense of safety whenever I was scared.
You vowed that you'd be there for me and the family. So, I felt glad, knowing that you needed us.
You selflessly gave up your drinking habits for my well being. So, I promised I would never drink because I didn't' want to disappoint you.
You smiled and said "Great Job!" whenever I accomplished something. So, I grew up to be a confident and outgoing person because you made me appreciate my talents when no one else would.
You said you cared about my future and my education. So, I felt proud that you would take such painstaking measures to save for my education and for my dreams.
You always gave me a hug or pat on the head whenever I saw you. So, I knew you loved me and that I was your precious daughter.
You were the best father anyone could ever have.
No.
You were the father I wished I could have.
You only came home once a week. So, I read my own bedtime stories and fell asleep with Cinderella, Goldilocks, and Humpty Dumpty keeping me company.
You argued with Mom and yelling seemed like all you can do in front of me. So, I promised to never put anyone I loved through that and learned to control my voice and actions for the better of others.
You always ranted about how you would leave us and return to Taiwan. So, I made sure that I'll become someone who can support Mom because she sacrificed for me, cherished me and showed me that she needed me unlike you.
You would come home with the stench of alcohol on you muttering obscenities. So, I vowed to myself that I would never make a fool out of myself like you did. I swore to live a clean life with no alcohol.
You could only criticize and blame me when something went wrong. So, I grew up to be shy and cold, afraid to be hurt by others. But, thanks to my great friends, my caring family and my own determination, my cold stature is slowly fading away.
You said you didn't care or love us. So, I ignored your hateful words because I knew that although you didn't care about me, that my family, friends and someone out there in the future loved me.
This was the father you were. I remember each tear I cried, each heartache I had, and each harsh criticism I had to accept.
Finally, I remember when you poured every dollar into your niece's education but not one penny into your own daughter's. So, I studied, worked hours towards my education, fought to be at the top of class to show you just how great of a daughter I can be. Mr. Chu, Dad, while you were never he father I wished for, there is one thing you have done for me that I'll always be thankful for. You made me stronger and more independent. And I'll prove it to you by writing this essay, getting into college and graduate a successful and educated individual.
