This is my essay for university application. I'd love any feedback from other users. I really appreciate it. Thanks for your advice. - Kim Vu
Please cite any cases in which you practiced consideration, sharing, cooperation, and/or conflict management and describe what you learned from and felt during the process(es).
(within 1500 characters/200words) (Required)
sharing and assertiveness
Three years, being the monitor of my high school's class with mathematically gifted students who had not only outstanding talents but also strong personalities had helped me develop management skills, aiming at collective benefits as well as promoting individuals' progress.
Personally, two most important elements in managing people are sharing and assertiveness
In order to develop bonds between individuals, firstly, understanding is indispensable. I often spent time having personal conversations with each member to properly understand them ranging from backgrounds, hobbies and ambitions, thus respecting their uniquenesses. I strongly encouraged them who had the same fields of concern such as technology, finance, science and art to form groups, then made presentations about these areas with the aim to share their knowledge and sharpen soft skills, therefore producing a positive organizational culture
However, undeniably, to develop plans and conform my class to school rules, the ability to make rational decisions is particularly important. I conducted polls and consulted the others adequately to take crucial decisions, then explained mine. By these steps, demanding tasks could be accomplished successfully, coupled with pleasing as many members as possible@kimvu123456
Hello there. Welcome to the forum! Here is my feedback on the writing.
There were instances wherein you could have utilized a more appropriate wording to improve the reception of your sentences. For instance, in the third paragraph's first line, you could have opted for a different word than indespensible, especially since the context of the sentence doesn't warrant for this. Consider saying that understanding is necessary.
Furthermore, make sure that you are constructing your sentences with the intent of being understood. The line that followed the aforementioned one also appears to be a bit unclear. Try to cut down the lengthiness of the sentence to improve comprehension. Apply this for the rest of the writing.
It is also necessary for you to reestablish the second element, assertiveness. While I know that the last paragraph was dedicated towards this element, you needed to focus more on reasserting it through being more clear with your language. You need to logically link rational decision-making with assertiveness.
