Hello. I've been working on this college essay, and I would love to get some recommendations from peers. Any constructive criticism will be wonderful. Please let me know what your view on this essay is and how I can enhance it. Thank you so much!
Essay Topic
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
Not everyone wakes up at 5 a.m. to the sound of a bugle, canoes thirty miles down the Suwannee River or even hikes eighty miles on the Appalachian Trail, but in Troop 38, that's what we do! From the sweat and dirt to the early Sunday wake up calls, there is nothing else I would wish for. Scouting has taught me so much, not just as a participant, but as a student and as a citizen of the world.
My first year of scouting was different because the majority of my friends decided to leave the program. This obstacle however, did not sway my ambition to become an Eagle Scout. I persevered through the challenging activities. My patrol practically tried every activity imaginable. We traveled to Fort Benning (a U.S. army base), visited an air show in Titusville, and even white water rafted down a class four rapid in North Carolina. These experiences, as awesome as they were, stand incomparable to the most memorable experience in my life: my Eagle Scout Project.
On January 12, 2010, a devastating earthquake struck the lives of thousands of Haitians. Many were killed; others torn from their homes, with most losing one of life's necessities: shelter. I felt the call to assist the citizens of Haiti by collecting new and slightly used four-to-six man tents through donations from my community and local parishes. The first hurdle that I overcame was the process of delivery. Luckily, I located Harvest Time International, a non-profit organization, to deliver the donations. After one month of collecting donations, I asked my troop to help mend and clean the used tents. On May 29, my family, fourteen fellow scouts, and some close friends waterproofed and cleaned all the tents. On June 24, 2010, sixty five tents and twenty five tarps arrived at Haiti from my scouting troop in Altamonte Springs. It is a wonderful feeling to know that I personally made a difference in other people's lives. This experience made me appreciate all that I have been given. This project earned me the rank of Eagle Scout, and I am grateful to have had the opportunity to alleviate the tragedy of a disaster.
Boy Scouts has taught me a multitude of life skills: how to take care of myself, how to work as a team, and, of course, how to be the creative agent of change. It taught me that if I set a goal and work hard, I can achieve it. Whether it is finishing an Eagle Scout project, or getting an "A" in a class, I know that if I work hard, I will succeed. Sure there may be some obstacles in the way, but I know that they will be things that I just have to overcome. I have learned, and I'm still learning, how to live as a citizen of the world.
"getting an "A" in a class" this part is unnecessary
"It taught me that if I set a goal and work hard, I can achieve it. " This phrase is so common, admission officers will probably see it in over 100 essays. Reword it.
You conclusion could've been stronger by perhaps, including a little bit of what you've learned from the Haiti project. Maybe something along the lines of "one person really can make a difference"
Other than that, incredibly well written! loved your opening sentence.
