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'City boy / Career in media' - Syracuse University Supplements


Lemonsnout 4 / 17  
Oct 27, 2012   #1
Hi. May I have some assistance with the Syracuse University Supplements required for the Common App? I feel like my answer for number 1 is lackluster and I don't have a good approach for number 2.

How can I properly answer these questions? ):

Syracuse University supplement questions:

1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

I'm a city boy at heart. Being born and raised in the Bronx, the city was my concrete home, a city with bustling life and a constant sound of existence. However, as I got older, I found myself contemplating where I wanted to go for college. I knew I wanted to get away from home as soon as possible, but at the same time I felt conflicted between staying and leaving. Surprisingly, my school offered the chance to decide for myself in my sophomore year of High School. It was a chance to get away from the city and experience an urban environment for the first time on a college campus.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?

I envision a career in media. Over the years, I've adopted photography and film- (not done)

OP Lemonsnout 4 / 17  
Oct 28, 2012   #3
Bump! can anyone help out? ):
OP Lemonsnout 4 / 17  
Oct 29, 2012   #4
Syracuse University supplement questions: My re-edited responses. Any critique? Problems? Inconsistencies? Also, can someone help me with Number 4?

1. who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
I'm a city boy at heart. Being born and raised in the Bronx, the city was my concrete home, a city with bustling life and a constant sound of existence. It's all I ever knew, and in my world, everything that ever was. My interest in Syracuse University peaked when my school offered to take me and several of my classmates on an overnight trip there. It was to be my first time leaving the city since I was five years old. Unsure of whether or not I would go on the trip; a few days before, I visited the university website, determined to learn more about this institution. Through this search, I discovered the wonderful opportunities SU offers in Photography and Media Studies, two majors I've strived to take on in college. In addition, SU's urban environment and location prompted me to really consider applying, as such similar aspects of life can be compared to New York.

At this point, my interest to apply was based primarily on the location of the university and the diverse programs which the university offers. But despite what I thought before, I now envisioned a future at this college. I wanted to strengthen and evolve my photography, and develop a secondary career in film and media studies. I believe that through Syracuse University, I can utilize my skills to help myself, and the world. Now, taking a deep breath, I plastered a smile on my face, quickly stepped forward, and into the bus.

2. Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?

In the future, I dream of becoming a remarkable individual. I want to expand on my horizons and allow myself to be immersed into every field of media. My goal is to be able to pursue what I believe to be my career goals, and I believe Syracuse University can help me achieve that success.

4. Our mission of Scholarship in Action, education for the world in the world, extends beyond the classroom to include engagement opportunities with our campus community, the City of Syracuse, and locations across the globe. Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of this mission.
dealaus 5 / 21 1  
Oct 29, 2012   #5
It's all I ever knew

It is all I have ever known. (AVOID CONTRACTIONS!)

a few days before

Don't really need this.

this institution

the institution.

my interest to apply was based

is based

now envisioned

now envision

I like the city part a lot! Overall solid essay, just fix up those things. Mind looking at mine?:)
OP Lemonsnout 4 / 17  
Oct 29, 2012   #6
Thank you Dealaus! Here is my answer to the final question. How is it?

4. Our mission of Scholarship in Action, education for the world in the world, extends beyond the classroom to include engagement opportunities with our campus community, the City of Syracuse, and locations across the globe. Based on your interests, tell us what real-world experiences you might pursue during your education at Syracuse as part of this mission.

As a student at Syracuse, I plan to continue pursuing my academic and career interests by participating in the university's extensive Study Abroad Program. I want to have the opportunity to further my communication skills in a foreign country, while learning about the customs and culture of that country. At the same time, I have always preferred to learn through experience in addition to textbooks and notes. With that said, I would also love to participate in extensive volunteer work. Because my first priority in addition to my own education is to help people; just like myself, live their lives to the best of their ability.
dealaus 5 / 21 1  
Oct 29, 2012   #7
get rid of because in the last sentence and change the semicolon to a comma and you're golden.


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