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UF AND UM Essay - (7 can claim divination)

ShobuPrime 2 / 5  
Oct 28, 2009   #1
First off, I am aware that this essay is not complete. My computer wiped itself clean for some weird reason regarding backup and updates. So I decided to start a new essay from scratch because the old one was "not good enough" when I started to think about it. ANY TYPE of help would be appreciated, as i am trying to make the November 1st deadline for UF and UM. here is what I got.

Essay: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

Please submit a 400-500 word essay. You can compose the essay in a word processor and then paste it into the text box or you can type directly in the text box. When you are finished save your work.

Evaluate a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you.

Your essay or personal statement is an important and integral part of the application process. Your academic credentials and list of achievements give us information about part of your life, but your essay will provide us with information about you that is not requested elsewhere in the University of Miami Application for Admission.

Please write an essay (300-400 words) about one of the topics listed below. We recommend you copy and paste your essay from a word processing program into the text box below.

RING! RING! RING! The bell seemed to ring abnormally louder than usual that hot afternoon when . In fact, that chimerical difference sounded as if desperate survivors were caterwauling about their suffering. I was nervous, for it seemed that day would never end. It was the day our first high school report cards would be distributed along with our updated transcripts. For some reason, I was wallowed within a morass of self-doubt despite my verisimilitude of being successful to others.

"Anthony Dardano! You're next! Come up here so I can give you your papers." Mr. Hallowell, my teacher proclaimed.
"Relax Anthony, I'm sure you did fine... stop beating yourself..." my friend Giovanni stated.
I walked up to my teacher's desk, received my papers, and sat back down. First thing I saw; straight "A's". Nothing new, I've been used to that my whole life. Seeing that made it appear quizzical to how I was acting before. The real surprise though, lied within my fresh, crisp transcript. My eyes read "Anthony Dardano. Class rank: 7/865. MRank: 8/865." I was appalled, for that collection of text felt therapeutic right upon sight. A plethora of paeans rang majestically in my head and helped me remain sanguine throughout the rest of the day.

It was then since my freshman year of high school, I came to a sudden and dramatic realization. That fait accompli demonstrated to me an elaborate vignette how real, raw talent is nothing more than the culmination of strong responsibility where real prestige comes from the appreciation of rigorous work and integrity...*

*after this point, that's all I got. It's 260 words so far according to Microsoft Office 2007.

I plan to finish more after I wake up :P

Thank you very much guys.

Anthony Dardano
sthakor92 1 / 3  
Oct 29, 2009   #2
I dont know where you are going with this essay. You should pick a specific topic and relate it to the prompt for UF and not try to use the same one for UM. Im applying to UF as well good luck and hope this helps.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 31, 2009   #3
It was then since my freshman year of high school, I came...

I wonder what this sentence was supposed to say... It was then, during my freshman year of high school... is that how it should be?

In order to know what to write, you have to think of your purpose. You should probably focus on showing how driven and determined you are, how sure you are about your plans for the future. I actually think you could condense this material into a sentence or two! All the dialogue is unnecessary, for example.

Think about your purpose... broaden the experience to include the whole day and some revelations you had about your academic future.

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