Please help me in critiquing my essay. I just seem to be at a loss of words. Did I even hit upon the question that was asked or do I need to go a different route?
How do you believe Clark Atlanta University will prepare you for future leadership?
I believe Clark Atlanta University will prepare me for the future by the motto of the school itself: Learn, Lead, Change. What I want to get out of Clark Atlanta University is beyond education. I want the opportunity to prove that I can become someone great even with the guidance of my peers. By accomplishing many different goals that are needed to further my expectations of becoming someone great in school and within the community will lead me to become a leader in the eyes of my peers.
By going to Clark Atlanta, I will be able learn the skills that would make me a leader, whether within in my classes or within my community by learning to interpret and evaluate, apply theories and draw conclusions to define the problem that's being given to me.
In order to become a good leader I must enhance my abilities which will require motivating myself as well as others. As a leader the contributions I make to society and the rewards that I will get from them, will create an environment that will make it possible for others to motivate themselves. Some of the characteristics I think would be enhanced by attending Clark Atlanta University includes; becoming a better listener and having a strong positive attitude. Having the skill of being a good listener will be a way that I can communicate my ideas and concerns of others. With having a positive attitude, it will result in positive effects. A good leader should be able share their vision and willingly share their knowledge. It will not be an easy task to become a successful leader without the readiness to work together with my class members and community as a team, but I will strive to achieve that goal.
While attending Clark Atlanta, I would like to dedicate myself to the world of business, specifically Business Administration with a minor in International Business. I feel that this field is where I will gain most of my abilities. The world of business is always changing and you will always learn new things whether in the classroom or within the community. With the state of the economy and the relationships we have with other countries, it is important for young people my age to begin to care about our future. With the savvy business skills I will learn I will be able to put forth the effort to assist our young to understand the importance of going to school and helping the world to change and become a better place.
As expressed on your website you, "offer a superior learning environment that produces recognized leaders in their chosen professions who are empowered to change their communities, the nation and the world". All of this will come to fruition by me attending the prestigious, HBCU, Clark Atlanta University.
I believe Clark Atlanta University will prepare me for the future by the motto of the school itself: Learn, Lead, Change. What I want to get out of Clark Atlanta University is beyond education. I want the opportunity to prove that I can become someone great even with the guidance of my peers. By accomplishing many different goals that are needed to further my expectations of becoming someone great in school and within the community will lead me to become a leader in the eyes of my peers.
I'm going to summarize this in fewer words, to show you the problem.
Clark Atlanta University will prepare me for life through its motto; Learn, Lead, Change. I want more than education out of Clark Atlanta University. I want a chance to show that I can reach great heights and inspire the same of others through leadership. Given a chance, I will waste no opportunity in pursuit of doing the motto justice.
Use commas:
In order to become a good leader, I must enhance my abilities, which will require motivating myself as well as others.
But does the enhancement of your abilities really require motivating others? Maybe you should replace require with involve.
All of this will come to fruition for me as I attend the prestigious, HBCU, Clark Atlanta University.
