Question: Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?
Response: My academic appeal to Penn was drawn from the heavy emphasis on interdisciplinary study at the university. I plan to be a part of the Wharton School of Business studying finance, and I also want to study cognitive sciences in College of Arts and Sciences with a concentration on cognitive neuroscience.
I want my academic career at Wharton to be comprised of an equal amount of in-class learning and research. As a student, I want to take advantage of the cutting-edge technology offered at Wharton such as the Grid Computing Platform. If I receive the opportunity to use this platform, I plan to analyze past economic circumstances \to help predict future economic patterns which deal with the same situation. Furthermore, I want to take part in the Wharton Learning Labs to help me engage in real-life situations which deal with business and finance. I want to be a part of the various stimulations offered through Wharton classes because of my attraction towards real-life situations which deal with risk factor.
On top of my academic work at Wharton, I plan on heavily engaging in educational and research opportunities offered at Institute for Research in Cognitive Sciences. I want my concentration to be focused on cognitive neuroscience because of my career goal of becoming a neurosurgeon. At the IRCS, I plan to be heavily involved with research in Attention and Memory lab. I want my research in the Attention and Memory lab to help me fulfill my ambition of creating a device which could manually send electric signals to the brain to revive non-functional parts. The research facilities and support services at Penn provide me the optimal opportunity to fulfill my ambitions.
Although my experience at Penn is focused on a variety of academic ambitions, I plan to have an amazing college experience by being a part of the many extracurricular activities offered at Penn. I want to take part of the various cultural clubs at Penn such as the United Minorities Council which spread cultural awareness through their events throughout the year. I plan to be heavily involved with clubs which have an emphasis on diversity because of my aspiration to get completely rid of cultural ignorance's and prejudice. Furthermore, I plan on being involved in the service organizations offered at Penn such as Habitat for Humanity because of my previous involvement with similar organizations, and the great environment they provides to meet new people who have the similar interests as I do. I am a huge sports fanatic; therefore, I definitely see myself participating in various sports clubs offered at Penn such as Intramural football.
In addition to the extracurricular activities that I see myself being involved with, I want to enjoy the city of Philadelphia while I attend Penn. I want to take advantage of the historic sites which the city has to offer such as Independence Hall and Congress Hall because of the importance of these sites to American independence. Furthermore, Philadelphia is home to many influential people and Penn alumni; I want to take full advantage by meeting these people and expanding my network. Lastly, I see myself attending many sporting events that take place in Philadelphia such as the Philadelphia Eagles or Philadelphia Phillies game, and enjoying Lincoln Financial Field and Citizens Bank Park.
Please give any feedback!
Furthermore, I want to take part in the Wharton Learning Labs to help me engage in real-life situations which deal with business and finance. I want to be a part of the various stimulations offered through Wharton classes because of my attraction towards real-life situations which deal with risk factor.Might i suggest re wording this. First of don't use futhermore to start of this sentence, it is not really a transition sentence its kind of like your thesis. After you sau real life situations that deal with business and finance, it would be GREAT if you used an actual example, to show you are really passionate about it. In fact your entire essay kind of states what you want to do, no reasons why. Back your statements up with reasoning. also cut back on using 'I' so much
other than that goood job!!!